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	<title type="text">Kaitlyn Tiffany | The Verge</title>
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				<name>Kaitlyn Tiffany</name>
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			<title type="html"><![CDATA[The SoulCycle of fertility sells egg-freezing and ‘empowerment’ to 25-year-olds]]></title>
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			<published>2018-09-11T09:00:02-04:00</published>
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							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[How do you build a cult following for an egg-freezing clinic? Gina Bartasi, CEO of Kindbody, a fertility startup that launched in New York City at the beginning of August, has a few ideas. For one, a bright yellow van stationed on a Friday in the middle of Manhattan and then on a Sunday in [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<p>How do you build a cult following for an egg-freezing clinic?</p>

<p>Gina Bartasi, CEO of <a href="https://kindbody.com/">Kindbody</a>, a fertility startup that launched in New York City at the beginning of August, has a few ideas. For one, a bright yellow van stationed on a Friday in the middle of Manhattan and then on a Sunday in the Hamptons &mdash;&nbsp;offering free testing for the anti-M&uuml;llerian hormone (AMH) associated with reserves of healthy eggs. For another, never announce anything too far in advance.</p>

<p>Kindbody has one brick-and-mortar location so far, two blocks from Trump Tower. It&rsquo;ll be open to patients later this month, and they&rsquo;ll spend the next six months building a bigger flagship on 16th Street. To find out where the next pop-up event will land, or where the next &ldquo;boutique retail location&rdquo; will open, you&rsquo;ll have to follow the company <a href="https://www.instagram.com/kindbody/?hl=en">on Instagram</a>. When making these real estate decisions, Bartasi told <em>The Verge </em>she asks herself two questions: &ldquo;Where is SoulCycle opening up? What is Drybar doing?&rdquo;</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>“Where is SoulCycle opening up? What is Drybar doing?”</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>Kindbody isn&rsquo;t the first <a href="https://extendfertility.com/">&ldquo;boutique&rdquo; fertility clinic</a> to open in New York. It<em> is </em>the first, Bartasi says, to offer online scheduling directly, rather than through ZocDoc, and to launch an app. Within the next year, it&rsquo;ll expand from egg-freezing and IVF to general gynecology, mental health, and nutritional services. Within the next five, it&rsquo;ll employ its own obstetricians and have clinics set up across the country. All of this expansion will depend on emphasizing convenience, encouraging strong brand affinities, and creating consistency from clinic to clinic &mdash;&nbsp;you know, like SoulCycle and Drybar.</p>

<p>&ldquo;Today&rsquo;s millennial female is on social media,&rdquo; Bartasi says. &ldquo;When you look at this new and cool millennial female, our marketing plan is directly and intentionally and deliberately tied to what they want and are asking for.&rdquo; They want a thrill. A week or a day&rsquo;s warning that soon, they&rsquo;ll be able to take an extra 20 minutes at lunch and find out what&rsquo;s up with their ovarian reserves.</p>

<p>In other words, the most important thing for a cult-like brand to have is exactly what brands have been chasing since the beginning of the idea of &ldquo;brands&rdquo;: youth.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>“What we want to do is help women live a life of no regrets”</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>While most fertility clinics view their patient demographic as women approaching their mid-to-late 30s, when the quantity and condition of a woman&rsquo;s eggs typically decline, Kindbody wants women to find them at 25. If they start building brand loyalty then, they&rsquo;ll come back at 35 and 42 and 50. &ldquo;What we want to do is help women live a life of no regrets, and have children when they want them, on their own timeframe,&rdquo; Bartasi says. &ldquo;So, you have this continuum of care with this brand that you feel so closely aligned with.&rdquo;</p>

<p>It&rsquo;s a brilliant business idea. Women are staying in the workforce longer, moving up higher, making independent decisions about saving and investment and planning, for more of those crucial years when a person has to think about how to become responsible. Maybe they can be convinced to think of egg-freezing as a logical, savvy choice along the lines of researching mutual funds or charting a path from renting to mortgage?</p>

<p>Egg-freezing, her website promises, is the future. It&rsquo;s &ldquo;like freezing time.&rdquo;</p>
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/12543993/akrales_180822_2824_0214.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="&lt;em&gt;Details in the mobile clinic on 54th Street in midtown Manhattan.&lt;/em&gt; | Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" />
<p>Egg-freezing <em>is</em> on the rise, quickly. According to the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology, <a href="https://www.sartcorsonline.com/rptCSR_PublicMultYear.aspx?reportingYear=2016">just under 9,000 women</a> underwent egg-freezing cycles in the US in 2016, up from less than 500 in 2009.</p>

<p>But is it &ldquo;like freezing time?&rdquo;</p>

<p>&ldquo;Egg freezing itself is a very powerful technology,&rdquo; Pasquale Patrizio, director of the Yale Fertility Center, tells <em>The Verge</em>. &ldquo;It&rsquo;s giving an option, but what option? You&rsquo;re not giving any guarantee. There&rsquo;s no guarantee of a future chance of a pregnancy. It&rsquo;s complex. And when I speak with women when they are planning to do it, I can see how much they are in turmoil on the choice.&rdquo;</p>

<p>In a phone call, Kindbody&rsquo;s first clinical hire, Fahimeh Sasan&nbsp;&mdash; who worked as an OB-GYN for 12 years at Mt. Sinai in Manhattan, and served as a consultant for Bartasi&rsquo;s previous businesses &mdash;&nbsp;answers the same question. Is it<em> like freezing time</em>?</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>“It’s giving an option, but what option?”</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>&ldquo;Sure, in some respects it is. In that, you are pressing pause on the quality and number of eggs,&rdquo; Sasan tells me. &ldquo;Hypothetically, say a 30-year-old who decides to freeze her eggs, we know that, generally &mdash; again, this is all general &mdash; generally, a 30-year-old woman has a good number of eggs and the quality of a 30-year-old&rsquo;s eggs are better than they will be when she&rsquo;s 35 or 36 or 37. So, generally, a 30-year-old who freezes her eggs is freezing her quality and quantity in that time. If she comes back at 38, she&rsquo;s unfreezing her 30-year-old eggs. Again, all generalized.&rdquo;</p>

<p>The Kindbody website doesn&rsquo;t say &ldquo;generally&rdquo; after every clause. &ldquo;Freezing time&rdquo; implies a sure thing, or at least a really good chance. The American Society for Reproductive Medicine removed the &ldquo;experimental&rdquo; label from egg-freezing in 2012, following the advent of a new quick-freezing method &mdash;&nbsp;now standard &mdash; that made it much easier to avoid eggs being destroyed by ice crystals or damaged upon thawing. But in <a href="https://www.acog.org/Clinical-Guidance-and-Publications/Committee-Opinions/Committee-on-Gynecologic-Practice/Oocyte-Cryopreservation">the same breath</a>, the ASRM declined to <em>recommend</em> egg-freezing as a method for postponing reproduction, saying there hadn&rsquo;t been enough research about its ethics, its emotional risks, or its effectiveness.</p>

<p>According <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/13/health/eggs-freezing-storage-safety.html">to SART</a>, only 20,000 American women have frozen eggs, and of those women, less than 15 percent have thawed them. That means there&rsquo;s a miniscule pool of data to refer to: The most oft-cited favorable odds (60 percent chance of a live birth for a 36-year-old woman) come from <a href="https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article/32/4/853/2968357">a predictive model</a> out of Harvard, with the scientists conceding in the paper&rsquo;s conclusion that the numbers are likely too optimistic, given &ldquo;the paucity of validation data&rdquo; available from women who have actually used frozen eggs to try to become pregnant. &nbsp;</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p> There’s a miniscule pool of data to refer to</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>There is even less evidence that freezing your eggs in your late 20s (or even at 30) is a sound investment. Your eggs may be in better condition at that age, but most research on frozen embryo transfers has used eggs that were frozen for a few weeks or months, and it was <a href="https://www.pbs.org/newshour/science/freeze-eggs">only in 2014</a><strong> </strong>that the fertility center at NYU Langone had its first successful live birth with eggs that had been frozen for seven years.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-gallery has-nested-images columns-1 wp-block-gallery-1 is-layout-flex wp-block-gallery-is-layout-flex"><img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/12543983/akrales_180822_2824_0114.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="&lt;em&gt;Cecilia Lum, Senior Director of East Coast Operations greets women at Kindbody’s third pop-up mobile clinic. &lt;/em&gt; | Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" />
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/12543991/akrales_180822_2824_0241.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="&lt;em&gt;A client poses with a Kindbody brochure in the mobile clinic.&lt;/em&gt; | Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" />
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/12543987/akrales_180822_2824_0140.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="&lt;em&gt;Monica Fields, RN (right) and Cecilia Lum inside the Kindbody Mobile clinic on August 22nd.&lt;/em&gt; | Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" />
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/12543977/akrales_180822_2824_0080.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" />
</figure>
<p>The costs are prohibitive &mdash;&nbsp;about $10,000 per retrieval, which usually results in about a dozen eggs &mdash; but this doesn&rsquo;t include the cost of hormone treatments (another $3,000 to $5,000), or storage ($400 to $800 per year), or the frozen embryo transfer you&rsquo;ll eventually need if you want to use the eggs ($3,000 to $5,000). Conservatively, storing one batch of eggs for four years and getting one chance at using them will cost around $17,000. &nbsp;</p>

<p>None of this is covered by insurance, except in rare cases where a cancer patient&rsquo;s fertility is threatened by chemotherapy, or in cases where the patient is employed by a new-wave Fortune 500 company (Facebook covers up to $20,000) or, <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/02/fertility-women-soldiers/471537/">since 2016</a>, the US military.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>None of this is covered by insurance</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>On top of that, the hormone shots needed prior to the procedure carry a risk of<a href="https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/ovarian-hyperstimulation-syndrome-ohss/symptoms-causes/syc-20354697"> ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome</a>, an extremely taxing condition in which ovarian blood vessels leak fluid and cause abdominal pain, blood clots, ovarian torsion, and alarming weight gain &mdash; in severe cases, up to 40 pounds in a matter of a couple weeks. It occurs in less than 5 percent of patients, <a href="https://www.fertstert.org/article/S0015-0282(16)62781-4/fulltext#sec3.1">according to the ASRM,</a> but it is much more common in younger patients &mdash; women&nbsp;in their 20s or early 30s.</p>

<p>The Kindbody marketing strategy is &ldquo;disturbing,&rdquo; activist Tanya Selvaratnam, author of <em>The Big Lie: Motherhood, Feminism, and the Reality of the Biological Clock, </em>tells <em>The Verge</em> in a phone call<em>.</em> The marketing materials provide next to no information about the current success rates of egg-freezing and IVF, nor context about why it&rsquo;s probably not the best choice for the vast majority of women.</p>

<p>&ldquo;The name is ironic,&rdquo; says Selvaratnam <em>&nbsp;</em>&ldquo;Egg-freezing does nothing kind to your body. It&rsquo;s an invasive procedure.&rdquo;</p>

<p>The AMH testing offered at Kindbody&rsquo;s pop-ups has debatable usefulness, too, particularly when it&rsquo;s targeted at 25-year-olds. The most important factor in determining a woman&rsquo;s fertility is her age, and AMH results outside the norm can cause undue stress for a woman who&rsquo;s not ready to think seriously about reproduction. Sasan says Kindbody has been emphasizing to all of its pop-up attendees that an AMH test is just one indicator of a person&rsquo;s fertility &mdash; &ldquo;one piece of the puzzle, but a good place to start.&rdquo;&nbsp;</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>“Egg-freezing does nothing kind to your body.”</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>But recent research puts it at a relevance level even below &ldquo;just one indicator.&rdquo; A study published <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5744252/">last year</a> by Anne Steiner of Duke University&rsquo;s fertility center found that the hormone was not useful in assessing the &ldquo;natural fertility&rdquo; of women aged 30 to 44 &ldquo;without a history of infertility, who had been trying to conceive for three months or less.&rdquo;</p>

<p>&ldquo;From a cynical perspective, companies like Kindbody are targeting younger women because it increases their profit margins,&rdquo; Selvaratnam says, &ldquo;And on a macro-level, we&rsquo;re facing an increasingly aspirational society that is less grounded in reality, which allows Kindbody to step into the fray.&rdquo;</p>
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/12543973/akrales_180822_2824_0047.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="&lt;em&gt;Entry to the mobile clinic on 54th Street in midtown Manhattan where 100 women were able to sign up for an appointment to be tested for the anti-Müllerian hormone, which is associated with the presence of healthy eggs.&lt;/em&gt; | Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" />
<p>Founder Bartasi has plenty of experience in the women&rsquo;s health care startup space, all of it pretty thoroughly observed by the press. &nbsp;&nbsp;</p>

<p>In 2008, she founded Fertility Authority, essentially as a content site with forums, oriented around helping people find fertility clinics and sharing information about treatments. Then, in the fall of 2014, she attracted major attention in New York for a <a href="http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2014/09/egg_freezing_marketing_campaigns_lie_about_success_rates_of_this_fertility.html">series of swanky cocktail parties</a> promoting Fertility Authority&rsquo;s spin-off egg-freezing company EggBanxx. The marketing techniques used by EggBanxx are familiar: The parties were criticized for supplying insufficient information about the risks and realities of egg-freezing &mdash; despite their claims of just &ldquo;starting a conversation&rdquo; &mdash; and for pushing a serious medical decision into a group drinking atmosphere, encouraging women to sign up for consultations after a couple rounds of cocktails. Unlike Kindbody, however, EggBanxx didn&rsquo;t employ its own doctors.</p>

<p>Selvaratnam attended one of the cocktail parties, and told <em>The Verge</em>, &ldquo;I got this postcard there that said &lsquo;Break Free From Your Fertility,&rsquo; and I thought, someone needs to sue this company for preying on women&rsquo;s insecurities and promising that if they freeze their eggs, everything will work out for them.&rdquo; At the time, Bartasi <a href="https://www.fastcompany.com/3040232/theres-nothing-fun-about-an-egg-freezing-party">responded</a> to criticism saying, &ldquo;Some journalists get paid on page views and I get that.&rdquo;</p>

<p>In 2015, Fertility Authority merged with Auxogyn, a tech startup hawking a tool that could test the viability of an embryo prior to an IVF procedure. The post-merger company was called Progyny,&nbsp;billed as &ldquo;the Uber for IVF,&rdquo; and marketed to companies that wanted to cover the costs of egg-freezing and IVF for its employees, but at a reduced cost. The <em>New York Post</em> <a href="https://nypost.com/2016/06/01/uber-for-ivf-under-fire-for-marketing-tactics/">reported</a> that the merger soured when doctors complained of Fertility Authority&rsquo;s steep patient referral fees, which may have been a violation of <a href="https://law.justia.com/codes/new-york/2014/pbh/article-45/4501/">New York&rsquo;s public health law</a> (a spokesperson for the Department of Health says the office never received any formal complaints). Things reportedly got worse after Bartasi realized the new tech wasn&rsquo;t selling, telling Auxogyn chairman Beth Seidenberg that she should &ldquo;chuck it into the Pacific Ocean.&rdquo; Later, Bartasi suggested to the <em>Post</em> that vitrification itself was her company&rsquo;s claim to a high-tech edge, despite the fact that it was already widely used and approaching recognition as standard.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>“Entrepreneurs seeking to capitalize <em>o</em>n women’s fears”</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>Patrizio, who is also a professor in Yale&rsquo;s biomedical ethics program, co-authored a <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27653001">paper in 2016</a> that referred directly to the marketing tactics that were getting Bartasi in trouble. He and his co-authors called for new regulations for the burgeoning industry &mdash;&nbsp;particularly when it came to advertising and &ldquo;the entrepreneurs seeking to capitalize <em>o</em>n women&rsquo;s fears of losing their reproductive chances if they do not &lsquo;freeze their eggs,&rsquo; with statements such as &lsquo;smart women freeze&rsquo; during martini infomercial cocktail parties.&rdquo;</p>

<p>On this latest iteration of Bartasi&rsquo;s vision, he tells <em>The Verge</em> that providing information is extremely important, but just one test &ldquo;done in a van&rdquo; can raise undue alarm. The test is fine, but not valuable alone. &ldquo;Having inaccurate or incomplete information can be more damaging than having no information at all,&rdquo; he explains.</p>
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/12543995/akrales_180822_2824_0232.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="&lt;em&gt;Nurse practitioner, Alla Khamermesh takes blood that will be tested for the presence of the anti-Müllerian hormone, which is associated with the presence of healthy eggs in women. &lt;/em&gt; | Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" />
<p>Still, Kindbody is a step up for Bartasi.</p>

<p>For this project, she has a genuinely impressive roster of collaborators. Her head of product is Joanne Schneider, who started her career at Google and recently left Flatiron Health &mdash;&nbsp;a startup that collects oncology data at an unprecedented scale and sells the information to pharmaceutical companies. Flatiron Health was <a href="http://fortune.com/2018/02/16/roche-flatiron-health-deal-why-it-matters/">purchased in February</a> by Swiss health care giant Roche, for $1.9 billion &mdash;&nbsp;the largest tech exit in New York City history. For the record, she says, selling Kindbody&rsquo;s data would not be a good business plan.</p>

<p>&ldquo;What we&rsquo;re excited about at Kindbody is that we&rsquo;re going to own the clinics, we&rsquo;ll own the data, we&rsquo;ll own the workflow. And we&rsquo;re owning the technology,&rdquo; Schneider told <em>The Verge</em>. &ldquo;We plan to scale nationally quite quickly and have that volume of data. We absolutely want to learn what&rsquo;s working and then apply it at scale.&rdquo;</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p> “We’re putting women back in women’s health care.”</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>The team is entirely women so far, and a couple of the big-name investors in Kindbody&rsquo;s seed round &mdash;&nbsp;Halle Tecco (<a href="http://techammer.co/about/">Techammer</a>), Swati Mylavarapu (<a href="https://www.incite.org/">Incite</a>) &mdash;&nbsp;are as well. &ldquo;We&rsquo;re putting women back in women&rsquo;s health care,&rdquo; Bartasi tells me, a line she&rsquo;s fond of.</p>

<p>It&rsquo;s not unfair for her to point out that her <a href="https://springfertility.com/">main</a> <a href="https://www.preludefertility.com/">competitors</a> in Manhattan are all funded and founded by men. It&rsquo;s also not unfair to say that an online booking system for a fertility clinic is a good idea. It&rsquo;s not unfair to say that well-designed, cloud-based patient portals should be an industry standard. It&rsquo;s not bad to design clinics that are pretty enough to make spending time in them not unpleasant. It&rsquo;s not wrong to say that women deserve better than what they have.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>“If it gets women to seek out the information, that’s a good thing.”</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>In fact, women&rsquo;s health care has often been a crapshoot, largely because of its history of being controlled by men &mdash;&nbsp;the rate of deaths due to childbirth increased <a href="http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science_of_longevity/2013/09/death_in_childbirth_doctors_increased_maternal_mortality_in_the_20th_century.html">temporarily but sharply</a> when doctors took over from midwives in the early 20th century. A more recent example: a study published <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4911514/">by the <em>Journal of Medical Internet Research</em></a> in 2016 found that most of the &ldquo;educational&rdquo; information about polycystic ovarian syndrome published in women&rsquo;s and teen magazines emphasized PCOS&rsquo;s &ldquo;hindrance to women&rsquo;s social roles as wives and mothers&rdquo; and &ldquo;placed personal responsibility on women to improve their health.&rdquo; It&rsquo;s a condition that affects nearly 10 percent of reproductive-age women, yet <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/06/polycystic-ovary-syndrome-pcos/396116/">meager recent research</a> estimated that 70 percent of women living with it were undiagnosed.</p>

<p>So there&rsquo;s good reason for women not to trust the health care system, and Kindbody is positioning itself in opposition to that. Serena Chen, of the Institute for Reproductive Medicine and Science at St. Barnabas, complimented Kindbody&rsquo;s goal of steering away from &ldquo;the patriarchal attitudes in health care,&rdquo; pointing out, &ldquo;Research shows people are reluctant to go see a doctor. A yellow van in the middle of New York City can raise awareness. Maybe it&rsquo;s a little hokey&hellip; if it gets women to seek out the information, that&rsquo;s a good thing.&rdquo;</p>
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/12543975/akrales_180822_2824_0027.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="&lt;em&gt;Lunch time in midtown where Kindbody held its third mobile clinic pop-up in front of its temporary offices on 54th street. &lt;/em&gt; | Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" />
<p>Kindbody&rsquo;s third pop-up was in front of the brick-and-mortar Kindbody, on 54th street, between 5th Avenue and Madison Avenue.</p>

<p>After the first round, 4,000 women signed up for email alerts about Kindbody, and they filled the 100 appointment slots for the 54th street pop-up 18 minutes after it was announced. The scene was relaxed, women strolling up to sign in on an iPad in a pink case then take a seat on a couch covered in fluffy pillows, in a cool glass box full of candles and chunks of rose quartz. Kindbody employees wore matching yellow t-shirts reading &ldquo;Own your: Story, Fertility, Future, Wellness, Ambitions,&rdquo; and gave out brochures that read, &ldquo;You have options,&rdquo; with two options outlined below: egg-freezing and IVF.</p>

<p>No one seemed to be having a bad time, and administering this test in the street, for free, is a good way to get women to have a more public conversation about a subject that&rsquo;s extremely sensitive, and can be painful and private, and more painful because of that privacy.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>The laughing millennial women, the typewriter font, the yellow and gray</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>But there&rsquo;s something eerily familiar about the Kindbody aesthetic &mdash; the laughing millennial women, the typewriter font, the yellow and gray, the declarations of &ldquo;the future is female.&rdquo; The use of the word &ldquo;we,&rdquo; and the use of the phrase &ldquo;no regrets.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Brooke Duffy, an assistant professor of communication at Cornell, specializing in the intersection of gender and digital media, tells <em>The Verge</em>, &ldquo;I think it&rsquo;s very telling that this is a campaign about fertility treatment but there are no images of families. They&rsquo;re all individual women, making choices. It&rsquo;s all about empowerment, and it&rsquo;s all very strategic.&rdquo;</p>
<figure class="wp-block-gallery has-nested-images columns-1 wp-block-gallery-2 is-layout-flex wp-block-gallery-is-layout-flex"><img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/12544003/akrales_180822_2824_0297.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="&lt;em&gt;OBGYN, Fahimeh Sasan (left) and Kindbody’s SVP of Business and Legal Affairs, Shilpa Patel (right) outside of Kindbody’s mobile pop-up clinic.&lt;/em&gt; | Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" />
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/12543971/akrales_180822_2824_0003.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="Kindbody merch for participating Kindbody clients. | Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" />
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<p>Like Chen, she applauds the all-women executive team. Co-opting feminist messages for marketing purposes would be<em> more</em> disconcerting if it were to benefit a company run by men, Duffy says. She also points out that the marketing is &ldquo;about&rdquo; women&rsquo;s bodies without getting into any of the details &mdash;&nbsp;it&rsquo;s <em>about</em> fertility without showing a body that&rsquo;s been through childbirth &mdash;&nbsp;and that it is clearly for a specific group of women who can afford very expensive things and are used to a style of marketing that asserts their self-sufficiency and intelligent decision-making, the blandest tenants of 21st century corporate feminism.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>“It’s all about empowerment, and it’s all very strategic.” </p></blockquote></figure>
<p>&ldquo;A brand will draw upon these larger political messages, whether it&rsquo;s female empowerment or progress or right to choose, but are they really backing that up with tangible forms of political, social, and economic support?&rdquo; she asks. &ldquo;It&rsquo;ll be interesting to see.&rdquo;</p>

<p>At a certain point, giving anyone credit for &ldquo;starting a conversation&rdquo; feels ridiculous. If women need more information about their reproductive health, why does that require stepping to the side of the issue with an over-aestheticized fact-lite version of the thing? Are we supposed to believe that women are too stupid to do something of basic usefulness to themselves without the lure of a charming font and a branded tin of mints? The pop-up was gorgeous. It was an unselfconscious Instagram ad for unattainably expensive procedures, marketed as &ldquo;empowering,&rdquo; just steps from the locus of an administration who would love to render every single choice a woman could make about her body from birth to death unimaginably difficult. Although, of course, not so much for women like these.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>“This is a critical moment in women’s health care”</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>&ldquo;This is a critical moment in women&rsquo;s health care and politics more broadly,&rdquo; Duffy tells <em>The Verge</em>. &ldquo;It is crucial to bring these messages to the conversation, but the way they&rsquo;re doing it is this cutesy, commercial, Instagrammable aesthetic. Is painting a logo on a water bottle going to tap into these political issues or is this window dressing?&rdquo;</p>

<p>Now that Kindbody has officially launched, director of marketing Rebecca Silver will start looking for more traditional advertising opportunities. According to Bartasi, Kindbody&rsquo;s message will roll out first in print advertisements in <em>Hamptons</em> magazine, <em>Vanity Fair,</em> and Airbnb&rsquo;s new sponcon glossy.</p>
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/12543981/akrales_180822_2824_0092.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="&lt;em&gt;Blood drawing conducted on a Kindbody client in the mobile clinic in M﻿anhattan.&lt;/em&gt; | Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" />
<p>Bartasi strives to build a one-stop shop for women&rsquo;s health, starting at age 25, improving access throughout the country to vital services and making it simple to go from your gynecologist to your therapist to your nutritionist. This is not a bad goal, especially if she can deliver on the plan to offer services at 40 to 50 percent below the standard rates for egg-freezing and IVF.</p>

<p>&ldquo;We&rsquo;ve got to be able to make it affordable for every American in this country that wants to pursue this as an option,&rdquo; she tells me.</p>

<p>The price difference will supposedly come from &ldquo;efficiencies,&rdquo; like online booking and data collection that streamlines the process &mdash;&nbsp;no two-hour consults, no group meetings to come up with a patient plan. Just the computer, recommending a course of fertility treatment based on new research and what has worked for similar patients, reviewed and adjusted by a doctor, but reliant on data to speed things up.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>“You’ll never be more fertile than you are today.” </p></blockquote></figure>
<p>It all sounds great, but the only way a plan like that is going to work is at scale. There needs to be far more than 9,000 women per year (nationwide!) making the choice to freeze their eggs if Kindbody is going to reap the benefits of data efficiencies. So, that&rsquo;s where young women come in. No one&rsquo;s going to force your hand, but as it says on the Kindbody website, and as it is, technically, broadly, impossible to dispute: &ldquo;You&rsquo;ll never be more fertile than you are today.&rdquo;</p>

<p class="has-end-mark">At the pop-up, Silver asks me if I&rsquo;d like to hop in the van and take a test myself. &ldquo;I&rsquo;m 24,&rdquo; I tell her. &ldquo;So?&rdquo; she says.</p>
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					</entry>
			<entry>
			
			<author>
				<name>Kaitlyn Tiffany</name>
			</author>
			
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Sorry to Bother You gets everything right about the horrors of viral fame]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.theverge.com/2018/7/24/17604940/sorry-to-bother-you-capitalism-viral-fame-analysis-lakeith-stanfield-tessa-thompson" />
			<id>https://www.theverge.com/2018/7/24/17604940/sorry-to-bother-you-capitalism-viral-fame-analysis-lakeith-stanfield-tessa-thompson</id>
			<updated>2018-07-24T12:20:08-04:00</updated>
			<published>2018-07-24T12:20:08-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Culture" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Entertainment" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Features" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Film" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Internet Culture" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Report" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[Boots Riley&#8217;s directorial and screenwriting debut Sorry to Bother You is the low-budget breakaway of the summer. An absurdist comedy with touches of magical realism and science fiction, it&#8217;s about a young black telemarketer named Cassius Green (Lakeith Stanfield) who is struggling with his personal ethics as he learns that betraying his friends and adopting [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<p>Boots Riley&rsquo;s directorial and screenwriting debut <em>Sorry to Bother You</em> is the low-budget breakaway of the summer. An absurdist comedy with touches of magical realism and science fiction, it&rsquo;s about a young black telemarketer named Cassius Green (Lakeith Stanfield) who is struggling with his personal ethics as he learns that betraying his friends and adopting a &ldquo;white voice&rdquo; (provided by the ever-lurking comedy weirdo David Cross) will help him win out in a near-future bizarro capitalist dystopia. Picked up by prestige hitmaker Annapurna at Sundance in January 2018, <em>Sorry to Bother You</em> is a critical success that hit theaters at the right time as movie audiences are still riding the high of Jordan Peele&rsquo;s racially frank horror satire <em>Get Out</em>, and indie studios are enjoying a windfall of Academy recognition and financial success.</p>

<p>The movie has its weak spots. Co-star Armie Hammer is poorly suited to satire; he&rsquo;s so straitlaced, he recently got in <a href="https://pagesix.com/2018/02/28/armie-hammer-blasts-buzzfeed-writer-who-once-dissed-him/">a Twitter fight</a> with a journalist who pointed out that he is &ldquo;simply a beautiful, pedigreed white man.&rdquo; And Stanfield, who steals his scenes in FX&rsquo;s <em>Atlanta</em> by consistently undercutting expectations for logical movement, thought, and expression, is misused in such a straight-faced, sincere role. Watching them play foes is like watching an awkward network TV crossover. Beyond the synergy of their dual recent come-ups as indie darlings, it&rsquo;s unclear why writer-director Boots Riley wanted to maneuver them into the same room.</p>
<div class="youtube-embed"><iframe title="SORRY TO BOTHER YOU | Official Trailer" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/enH3xA4mYcY?rel=0" allowfullscreen allow="accelerometer *; clipboard-write *; encrypted-media *; gyroscope *; picture-in-picture *; web-share *;"></iframe></div>
<p>Hammer&rsquo;s bro-y tech CEO, whose grasping corporation, WorryFree, is a parody of WeWork living spaces and <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2018/4/16/17243026/amazon-warehouse-jobs-worker-conditions-bathroom-breaks">Amazon &ldquo;productivity&rdquo; standards</a>, is a first draft of a postmodern villain. He loves cocaine and naked ladies, like all movie rich guys. He wears loose-fitting skirt-pants, as the requisite New Age-y element to ground him in that Silicon Valley false-enlightenment culture. We&rsquo;ve seen far better satire along these lines recently, with Tilda Swinton&rsquo;s Ivanka Trump-inspired agro-chemical tycoon in <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/6/26/15747466/netflix-okja-bong-joon-ho-snowpiercer-cannes-hollywood">Bong Joon-ho&rsquo;s <em>Okja</em></a> and Maria Bamford&rsquo;s improbable, overlooked <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/11/15/16635320/lady-dynamite-season-two-review-netflix-maria-bamford">skewering of Elon Musk and Netflix</a>, which she somehow executed <em>in her</em> <em>Netflix show</em>.</p>

<p>But <em>Sorry to Bother You</em> really shines in its B-plots, the aggravating events that needle Cassius&rsquo; conscience in tandem with the main conflict. His use of &ldquo;white voice&rdquo; makes his friends distrust him. His relationship with his principled, unbelievably cool artist girlfriend Detroit (Tessa Thompson, whose every entrance is an event, built around the audience&rsquo;s need to read her earrings) is threatened by a hot labor organizer (Squeeze, played by <em>The Walking Dead</em>&rsquo;s Steven Yeun) with the apparent means to go from town to town and just live his values. Cassius&rsquo; day-to-day anonymity is destroyed after he breaks a picket line and gets pegged in the forehead by a flung can of soda. The thrower, a winking white lady who shouts, &ldquo;Have a cola and smile, bitch,&rdquo; becomes a viral internet hero, and Cassius becomes her punchline.</p>
<div class="wp-block-vox-media-highlight vox-media-highlight alignnone"><img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/11571771/akrales_180619_2673_0013.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Amelia Holowaty Krales / The Verge" />

<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="zbTWsD">Lakeith Stanfield on dating a Chapstick and always carrying a Coke, because you ‘never know’</h3></div>
<p>The soda can moment is an obvious inversion of Kendall Jenner&rsquo;s now infamous <a href="https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2017-04-05/pepsico-s-panned-ad-shows-risks-of-bringing-commercials-in-house">Pepsi commercial faux pas</a>. In April 2017, Jenner appeared in one of the most poorly conceived ad ideas in living memory, resolving the tension at a laughably bland protest (picket signs had messages like &ldquo;Join the conversation&rdquo; and &ldquo;Love&rdquo;) by handing a cop a can of Pepsi. It was easy to see the blatant disrespect for the Black Lives Matter movement, and the historically unsubstantiated idea of the way police behave at a protest. Viewers were duly mortified and horrified, and the Twitter jokes were <a href="https://twitter.com/jackbern23/status/849531730537140224">deservedly vicious</a>.</p>

<p>But in <em>Sorry to Bother You</em>, the moment is more complicated. The police in this movie are almost irrelevant. When the protestor throws the bottle, she&rsquo;s targeting a fellow wage slave who should be her ally, and he would if circumstances allowed him to simultaneously have principles and make enough money to support himself. As a black man, Cassius is struggling to succeed in a biased system that benefits her more than it does him, even as it benefits almost nobody. The moment blows up on YouTube and becomes profitable for the young woman &mdash; removing her from the labor struggle and nabbing her a cola commercial deal &mdash; in a way it probably would not have had the roles been switched. He&rsquo;s the hero, so we root for him and against her.</p>

<p>But how hard, hypothetically, would it have been to write the movie the other way? Last March, Dayna Tortorici, <a href="https://nplusonemag.com/online-only/online-only/while-the-iron-is-hot/">writing for <em>n+1</em></a> ahead of the Women&rsquo;s Strike &mdash; an event with far less enthusiastic participation than the Women&rsquo;s March just two months prior, largely because of <a href="https://www.elle.com/culture/career-politics/a43109/women-strike-history-significance/">confusing conversations about privilege</a> &mdash; argued that when workers strike, we &ldquo;invite one another to see how our work is interdependent, see the ways we are compelled to exploit one another.&rdquo; <em>Sorry to Bother You </em>accepts that invitation, and openly considers how workers muddy the issue when they police each other&rsquo;s virtue, instead of questioning the policies that try to turn them against each other.</p>

<p>Society has only recently started grappling with the way the internet fame machine is primed to create ethical confusion. It makes public personalities out of people who <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2018/7/9/17544354/plane-bae-rosey-beeme-euan-holden-sousveillance-livetweeting">don&rsquo;t want it</a>, can&rsquo;t handle it, or are only doing it because they don&rsquo;t see other options. The internet used to be seen as a <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/05/business/media/youtube-younger-viewers-content-creators.html">democratizing force</a>, but it has given undue credence to heinous <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/18/style/jordan-peterson-12-rules-for-life.html">systems of thought</a> and to <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2018/2/9/16986014/logan-paul-youtube">total idiots</a> like the <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/6/7/15662976/youtube-gossip-vloggers-drama-alert-keemstar-scarce-tabloids">monster bros of YouTube</a> who egg their followers into coordinated <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDbJdqMwSL0">harassment campaigns</a> and shirk responsibility for any fallout, or the <a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2018/2/23/17041668/damn-daniel-two-year-anniversary-viral-meme">teenagers who upload a joke</a> between friends and enjoy a few perks &mdash; free sneakers, 10 minutes with Ellen DeGeneres &mdash; and then become the victims of a swatting hoax for no apparent reason.</p>

<p>The ascendance of someone like Cardi B, who makes the whole process feel like a net positive, but is, in fact, <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/9/25/16361616/cardi-b-taylor-swift-streaming-vs-downloads-number-one-hit">a miracle</a>, and the exception to a rule of internet celebrity that almost always steals ideas from young people, <a href="https://www.vox.com/culture/2017/3/28/14777408/on-fleek-kayla-lewis-ihop-dennys-vine-twitter-cultural-appropriation">particularly young people of color</a>, and leaves them with nothing to show for their creative work. What the internet looks like now is an option like any other in America &mdash; which is to say, not a very good one.</p>
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/11737405/STBY_20170707__H7A9386_87_R1529427441.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Photo: Annapurna" />
<p>At one point in <em>Sorry to Bother You</em>, Squeeze tells an exasperated Cassius that he can&rsquo;t blame people for ignoring the evils of WorryFree, a corporation that wants to popularize voluntary slavery as a way for workers to assuage their anxiety about the future by selling that future to someone else. At some point, a problem becomes so big and complicated that undoing it or even acknowledging it stops feeling like a choice, and people&rsquo;s priorities turn to live inside it with as much peace of mind as possible.</p>

<p>In this film, at least, peace of mind in this context is defined by financial comfort, not physical comfort. People hurting for money in Riley&rsquo;s dystopia appear on a game show called <em>I Got the Shit Kicked Out of Me</em>, which involves getting beaten in exchange for cash. Cassius&rsquo; head wound from the soda can refuses to heal, but he accrues enough money to pay off his uncle&rsquo;s debts, buy a sleek new car, and rent a chic downtown apartment. He wanders around dripping money and blood. Achieving financial stability is a painful process here, and it leaves scars.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>Achieving financial stability is a painful process here, and it leaves scars</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>That trade-off should be familiar, given that the depravity of the game show is only negligibly more literal than the ones that are actually part of American culture. The thrill of shows like <em>Wipeout </em>and <em>American Ninja Warrior</em> is the thrill of watching someone smack teeth-first into a large piece of plastic in exchange for money and attention.</p>

<p>One of the more remarkable things that <em>Sorry to Bother You </em>accomplishes is a subtle but convincing argument that when it comes to the lived experience of a typical worker, there are not so many differences between the internet age and the preceding one. With a Coke can, Riley crystallizes an image of the superpower of capitalism, which is its deftness with misdirection. The same week <em>Sorry to Bother You </em>hit theaters, Katherine Cross <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2018/7/9/17544354/plane-bae-rosey-beeme-euan-holden-sousveillance-livetweeting">wrote for <em>The Verge</em></a> about the still-unfolding &ldquo;Plane Bae&rdquo; controversy, in which two people flirting and possibly hooking up on an airplane were turned into a viral news item without their knowledge, resulting in a fun 15 minutes of fame for the man involved and relentless, slut-shaming judgment for the woman.</p>
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/11737423/B9333191548Z.1_20180711205354_000_GANMDJL4A.1_0.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Photo: Annapurna" />
<p>&ldquo;The story&rsquo;s charm disguises the invasion of privacy at its heart,&rdquo; Cross said. &ldquo;The way technology is both eroding our personal boundaries and coercing us in deleterious ways.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Capitalism still has a place for telemarketers in cubicles, and it&rsquo;s made room for the internet culture machine as well. Both mine a nearly infinite resource of human hearts and minds and make their money off cheap, plentiful resources: words and voices, warmth and charisma. The economy of personality promises that the only thing you have to monetize is something inherent in yourself &mdash; not a skill or a learned trade or even a talent, but an unquantifiable personal appeal &mdash; you can still have everything you&rsquo;ve ever wanted.</p>

<p>And no matter who wins, someone is losing. Cassius helps exploit the labor of an anonymous woman who turns the tables and becomes famous by exploiting his image and his suffering at her hands. The film doesn&rsquo;t even need its shocking twists about WorryFree&rsquo;s victimized workforce. <em>Sorry to Bother You</em> is sufficiently radical long before those particular victims arrive, and it hits much closer to home when it&rsquo;s smacking people in the face.</p>
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			<entry>
			
			<author>
				<name>Kaitlyn Tiffany</name>
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			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Unfriended: Dark Web is clever, dour, and punishing]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.theverge.com/2018/3/11/17105090/unfriended-dark-web-review-blumhouse-stephen-susco-sxsw-2018" />
			<id>https://www.theverge.com/2018/3/11/17105090/unfriended-dark-web-review-blumhouse-stephen-susco-sxsw-2018</id>
			<updated>2018-07-21T21:35:34-04:00</updated>
			<published>2018-07-21T21:35:34-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Culture" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Entertainment" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Film" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Movie Review" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="SXSW" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[Welcome to Cheat Sheet, our brief breakdown-style reviews of festival films, VR previews, and other special event releases. This review was originally posted after the film&#8217;s premiere at the 2018 SXSW Film Festival. It has been updated to reflect the film&#8217;s HBO release. The midnight premiere of an Unfriended: Dark Web at SXSW was somewhat [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<img alt="" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Blumhouse" data-has-syndication-rights="1" src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/10399315/unfriended_game_night_124977.jpeg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" />
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<p><em>Welcome to Cheat Sheet, our brief breakdown-style reviews of festival films, VR previews, and other special event releases. This review was originally posted after the film&rsquo;s premiere at the 2018 SXSW Film Festival. It has been updated to reflect the film&rsquo;s HBO release.</em></p>

<p>The midnight premiere of an <em>Unfriended: Dark Web</em> at SXSW was somewhat of a botched surprise reveal. At the time, it was still an <a href="https://schedule.sxsw.com/2018/films/124977">untitled</a> feature being promoted by Jason Blum, founder of the Blumhouse studio, and producer of the Oscar winner <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/2/24/14724404/jordan-peele-get-out-movie-review-race-horror-film"><em>Get Out</em></a> and essentially every lauded horror movie of the last five years. But many horror fans had already <a href="https://twitter.com/jason_blum/status/972318961202286593">guessed on Twitter</a> that the film, written and directed by newcomer Stephen Susco, was a sequel to 2014&rsquo;s <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2015/4/17/8445053/unfriended-horror-movie-cyberbullying-review"><em>Unfriended</em></a>. The eventual title reveal came later, possibly after a necessary tweak &mdash;&nbsp;a film called <em>Unfriended: Game Night</em> was listed on Susco&rsquo;s Wikipedia page for weeks, but eventually changed, perhaps to prevent confusion with the 2018 Jason Bateman comedy <em>Game Night.</em></p>

<p>In any case, <em>Dark Web </em>is a sequel to <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2015/4/17/8445053/unfriended-horror-movie-cyberbullying-review"><em>Unfriended</em></a>, the first American feature by Russian director Levan Gabriadze. That movie takes place entirely on a MacBook screen, flitting in and out of FaceTime, iMessage, Facebook, and Skype, and following a group of teenagers as they get picked off one by one by a mysterious killer. As they die, their friends watch via webcam, with much crying, snot, and disbelief. <em>Unfriended</em> was one of Blumhouse&rsquo;s standard <a href="https://deadline.com/2015/05/blumhouse-panel-produced-by-conference-1201435034/">low-budget horror box-office coups</a>, with a $1 million budget and a $64 million global take. <em>Unfriended: Dark Web</em> looks almost exactly as low-budget, though a 20-second stretch of Taylor Swift&rsquo;s &ldquo;Shake It Off&rdquo; suggests a little more monetary investment. The novelty of the MacBook-screen conceit has worn off, but <em>Unfriended </em>has also picked up a lot of positive world of mouth in the interim. So it&rsquo;s anyone&rsquo;s guess whether the sequel will perform at the same level.</p>
<div class="youtube-embed"><iframe title="Unfriended: Dark Web | Official Trailer | BH Tilt" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/4DJAWGXkvq8?rel=0" allowfullscreen allow="accelerometer *; clipboard-write *; encrypted-media *; gyroscope *; picture-in-picture *; web-share *;"></iframe></div><h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="bm798P">What’s the genre?</h3>
<p>Horror, though the film starts out in a Spotify window playing <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuvWc3ToDHg">Beach House&rsquo;s &ldquo;Myth&rdquo;</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytIfSuy_mOA">Major Lazer&rsquo;s &ldquo;Get Free.&rdquo;</a> For a few seconds, it feels pretty nice!</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="IDNwpz">What’s it about?</h3>
<p><em>Unfriended: Dark Web</em> again takes place on a MacBook screen. The ensemble cast here is slightly older than the crew in the first film. They&rsquo;re a bunch of 20-somethings who don&rsquo;t feel like venturing out of their comfortable homes to socialize. Instead, they gather on Skype for their weekly board-game night. The film stars unfamiliar face Colin Woodell, who&rsquo;s showed up in two other 2018 horror-thrillers already &mdash;&nbsp;<a href="https://www.theverge.com/2018/3/23/17156978/unsane-movie-review-iphone-7-steven-soderbergh-claire-foy">Steven Soderbergh&rsquo;s <em>Unsane</em></a> and Aaron Harvey&rsquo;s <em>The Neighbor &mdash;</em>&nbsp;supported by a charming, diverse cast that includes <em>Get Out</em>&rsquo;s Betty Gabriel, <em>The Mindy Project&rsquo;s </em>Rebecca Rittenhouse, <em>Switched at Birth&rsquo;</em>s Stephanie Nogueras, and the mostly unknown Andrew Lees, Connor del Rio, and Savira Windyani.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>It’s all fun and games until everybody gets hurt </p></blockquote></figure>
<p>Woodell plays Matias, a programmer who just swiped the film&rsquo;s primary computer from a lost and found &mdash; he wanted a faster machine to help him build real-time ASL translation software to help him communicate with his deaf girlfriend (Nogueras). All the film says about their relationship is that he didn&rsquo;t bother to actually learn sign language, but he did make a montage of them hiking (file name: &ldquo;The Hike That Changed Everything&rdquo;), set to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7yCLn-O-Y0">Fun.&rsquo;s Instagram-caption-saccharine hit &ldquo;Carry On.&rdquo;</a></p>

<p>The horror kicks off there (kidding! I went to a Fun. concert in 2012 just like everyone else), but it escalates when the owner of the stolen laptop starts threatening Matias in Facebook Messenger. Matias subsequently stumbles upon a mysterious Dark Web portal (?) called &ldquo;The River,&rdquo; as well as a folder full of made-to-order snuff films. He and his friends watch girls die of thirst, of sitting in a bucket of corrosive acid, of trains and rooftops and blunt force trauma. Naturally, they respond by transferring $10 million worth of Bitcoin from the laptop owner&rsquo;s account to Matias&rsquo;, hoping this will protect them from harm. Oh boy!</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="gsNZkp">What’s it really about?</h3>
<p><em>Unfriended: Dark Web</em> has some fantastic twists (one is ripped directly from the end of the first season of FX&rsquo;s <em>Fargo;</em> the rest are all fair and all genuinely surprising), but it&rsquo;s about as bleak-without-explanation as you can get. Where the original <em>Unfriended </em>had a villain who was driven to murder by the slightly doofy motivation of &ldquo;teen humiliation,&rdquo; the villains in <em>Unfriended: Dark Web</em> aren&rsquo;t motivated by anything at all.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>the villains in <em>Unfriended: Dark Web</em> aren’t motivated by anything at all</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>If it is, as the SXSW event description promises, &ldquo;a warning for the digital age,&rdquo; it&rsquo;s a confusing one. Most of us typically avoid stealing a $1,500 laptop from a stranger, for reasons other than the possibility that it belongs to a serial murderer involved in a heinous global crime ring. A cautionary tale about respecting the honor code of &ldquo;don&rsquo;t take that temporarily unattended laptop in a caf&eacute;&rdquo; is pretty dry. And these faceless dudes-in-hoodies  &mdash; who all go by <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charon_(mythology)">Charon</a>, speak to each other in Latin, switch to Ethereum because it &ldquo;has a better exchange rate,&rdquo; and specialize in torturing and killing teen girls &mdash; are a spot-on embodiment of the most extreme version of the internet bogeyman imaginable. They&rsquo;re the stuff of parental nightmares and bad Hollywood hacker storylines. They&rsquo;re omnipotent, with the ability to see and hear everything their victims do, find them anywhere, pop up out of thin air, discover any secret, and ruin any life.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="G0YmaB">Is it good?</h3>
<p>The cast has great chemistry, particularly in the warmer early scenes, when they seem to be riffing outside of the confines of the extremely melodramatic script. Rittenhouse&rsquo;s character does a taffy-mouthed bit as &ldquo;Kendra from Malibu,&rdquo; del Rio delivers an impeccable libertarian nerd rant about how Facebook and Twitter are free because <em>you&rsquo;re the product</em>, and Lees is charming as the buddy who&rsquo;s so devoted, he&rsquo;ll stay up until 3 AM London time to play a card game with his friends.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>Only when it’s over, do you realize that you’ve been doing nothing for an hour and a half. </p></blockquote></figure>
<p><em>Unfriended: Dark Web</em> depends far more on the quirks and secrets of software (both everyday and obscure) than the original film, which is to its credit, in that it allows for a far more complicated, difficult-to-predict plot. But <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2015/4/17/8445053/unfriended-horror-movie-cyberbullying-review">the real thrill of <em>Unfriended</em></a> was that it looked exactly like our lives as we actually live them &mdash;&nbsp;waiting for typing bubbles, groaning at the spinning beach ball of death, trying to pick out micro-expressions in a blurry webcam recreation of a beloved person. The horror of seeing the interfaces we rely on for most of our daily doses of intimacy turned against us was genuinely innovative, and actually scary. In <em>Dark Web</em>, the audience I was with laughed out loud at lines like &ldquo;Oh God, they pulled you across The River, didn&rsquo;t they?&rdquo; As the movie races through its egregiously brutal final 20 minutes, it gets darker and more punishing, never slowing down to explain exactly what the audience is being punished for.</p>

<p>Much like the briefly lived game of <em>Cards Against Humanity</em> that gives the ensemble cast its one chance to stop screaming and crying, <em>Unfriended: Dark Web </em>has enough snark, shock, and disregard for anyone&rsquo;s emotional comfort to briefly confuse viewers into thinking it&rsquo;s pulled off something worthwhile. But when it&rsquo;s done, it&rsquo;s easy to walk outside feeling like you&rsquo;ve spent 90 minutes doing nothing at all.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="1dVB6R">What should it be rated?</h3>
<p>It includes a scene where a 17-year-old discovers that a hole has been drilled into her forehead. R, please!</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="Rzj5B3">How can I actually watch it?</h3>
<p><em>Unfriended: Dark Web </em>will be in theaters on Friday, July 20th.</p>
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					</entry>
			<entry>
			
			<author>
				<name>Kaitlyn Tiffany</name>
			</author>
			
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[The new musical Emojiland is deeply concerned with emoji angst]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.theverge.com/2018/7/19/17591308/emojiland-new-york-musical-festival-emoji-movie-inside-out-pixar" />
			<id>https://www.theverge.com/2018/7/19/17591308/emojiland-new-york-musical-festival-emoji-movie-inside-out-pixar</id>
			<updated>2018-07-19T15:48:40-04:00</updated>
			<published>2018-07-19T15:48:40-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Culture" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Entertainment" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Internet Culture" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[If you were going to see an emoji musical, would you expect to see anthropomorphized emoji dying onstage? Would you expect to be asked angsty questions like &#8220;What if none of this matters?&#8221; by a woman in a Mountain Dew-colored wig? It doesn&#8217;t matter what you expect, since you can&#8217;t control what happens to you, [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<figure>

<img alt="" data-caption="Jordon Bolden as Skull in the new musical Emojiland | Photo: Jeremy Daniels" data-portal-copyright="Photo: Jeremy Daniels" data-has-syndication-rights="1" src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/11715905/Emojiland_0705.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" />
	<figcaption>
	Jordon Bolden as Skull in the new musical Emojiland | Photo: Jeremy Daniels	</figcaption>
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<p>If you were going to see an emoji musical, would you expect to see anthropomorphized emoji dying onstage? Would you expect to be asked angsty questions like &ldquo;What if none of this matters?&rdquo; by a woman in a Mountain Dew-colored wig? It doesn&rsquo;t matter what you expect, since you can&rsquo;t control what happens to you, and neither can I. <a href="http://emojiland.com"><em>Emojiland</em></a>, a new stage musical written by Keith and Laura Nicole Harrison, is written to make this perfectly clear.</p>

<p><em>Emojiland</em> is being staged through July 22nd as part of the <a href="http://www.nymf.org">New York Musical Festival</a>. People in the New York area who love death or appreciate spectacle, no matter the form, can walk through Times Square past the Port Authority Bus Terminal, past 9th Avenue and its somewhat fake-looking rectories, and wind up at the <a href="http://www.theatrerow.org/acorntheatre/">Acorn Theatre</a>, which is basically a series of well-kept stairwells and a 200-seat auditorium. There, you can pay $13.75 to experience two and a half hours of existential terror.</p>

<p>To be fair, <em>Emojiland</em>&rsquo;s tagline is &ldquo;a textistential new musical,&rdquo; which I should have taken more seriously. I was honestly too busy listening to the woman behind me sound it out, then explain to her seat partner what the real word was. She pronounced it &ldquo;exit-sensual.&rdquo; Who can blame her?</p>

<p>Much like <em>The Emoji Movie</em>, which came out in July 2017 and <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/7/28/16057134/emoji-movie-review-bad">nearly ended my life</a>, the action of <em>Emojiland</em> takes place inside a smartphone where many of the emoji feel cognitive dissonance brought about by the conflict between their perpetually sunny exteriors and their raging internal conflicts. Unlike in <em>The Emoji Movie</em>, some of the conflicts in <em>Emojiland</em> have to do with sex. But most of them have to do with resolving the &ldquo;exit-sensual&rdquo; question of how anyone can bother to live when they know that they&rsquo;re going to die. If you&rsquo;re already making a musical about tiny digital icons that are generally used to suggest only the barest approximation of a human emotion, you might as well also ask why any of us are breathing. I do not like or endorse this as a personal value system, but I understand its logic: this is what we call &ldquo;leaning into it.&rdquo;</p>

<p>But why are people so concerned with the troubled inner lives of simple emotional symbols? <em>The Emoji Movie</em> wasn&rsquo;t the first film to engage with that idea. Pixar&rsquo;s <em>Inside Out</em> took on the bizarre task of having representations of emotions express their own deep emotional struggles back in summer 2015. It posited the question of what happens when &ldquo;Sadness&rdquo; feels happy or &ldquo;Joy&rdquo; feels sadness. It didn&rsquo;t address why that convoluted question is suddenly important. Maybe stories about stressed-out emoji are just trying to tap into Pixar&rsquo;s success, or maybe the people behind these stories just assume every emotion we have or try to express is stressful. Either way, <em>Emojiland </em>gets pretty sad about exploring the inner lives of symbols that aren&rsquo;t inherently sad.</p>

<p><em>Emojiland</em>&rsquo;s opening number<em>,</em> &ldquo;It&rsquo;s Just So Great To Be Alive,&rdquo; is truly remarkable. It introduces the cast of emoji:&nbsp;Smiling Face with Smiling Eyes (&ldquo;Smize&rdquo; for short), Man in Business Suit Levitating (he&rsquo;s on Heelies!), Smiling Face with Sunglasses (&ldquo;Sunny,&rdquo; a narcissist obsessed with hip-thrusting), Pile of Poo (who has a light Southern accent), Princess, Lady Construction Worker, Lady Police Officer, and Information Desk. Everyone is wearing metallic high-tops and sparkly eyeliner and jumping around. The song&rsquo;s chorus is &ldquo;Peace, thumbs up, pound, okay, high five!&rdquo; which isn&rsquo;t a sentiment so much as a list of hand gestures.</p>
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/11715957/Emojiland_0670.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="Keith Harrison (Nerd Face) and Laura Nicole Harrison (Smize) in the musical Emojiland | Photo: Jeremy Daniels" data-portal-copyright="Photo: Jeremy Daniels" />
<p>For the first 30 minutes or so, the show is genuinely fun, especially because it&rsquo;s supplemented with projected animations that look like the <em>Kim Possible</em> browser game or when local news anchors try to explain hackers to their viewers. Also, &ldquo;The Progress Bar&rdquo; is the name of the local bar in Emojiland, and all the emoji are heavy drinkers. (I loved it. It made me want a cocktail.) There&rsquo;s a great scene where Lady Cop and Lady Construction Worker sing a steamy love duet with lines like &ldquo;I love it how you text me, baby, just to say hey,&rdquo; and &ldquo;It doesn&rsquo;t hurt that we&rsquo;re both gainfully employed.&rdquo;</p>

<p>If I&rsquo;m to recommend <em>Emojiland</em> (which I might, given that the tickets cost less than the average movie in New York City), it would be on the basis of the smart, funny song &ldquo;Princess is a Bitch.&rdquo; Princess is costumed as some combination of post-<em>Hannah Montana</em> Miley Cyrus and a professional cyclist with padded shorts, lime green fishnets, hot pink clip-in extensions, and a dress made out of scuba material. She has metallic acrylic nails and a flat, nasally affect, which, paired with the glaring industrial backing track, gives the song the feeling of a <em>Blackout</em>-era Britney Spears parody. She declares everyone who questions her power &ldquo;dick-tator haters,&rdquo; and refers to herself as &ldquo;hashtag freakin&rsquo; blessed.&rdquo; I was close enough to the stage to see the sweat washing away her eyeliner, and I was absolutely in awe of her. Brunette Britney-on-the-edge is a specific, pretty smart embodiment of the modern definition of the word &ldquo;princess,&rdquo; and I was physically furious each time a song did not involve her. She was so mean and beautiful!</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>Unfortunately, it’s not all fun and dick jokes in Emojiland</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>Unfortunately, it&rsquo;s not all fun and dick jokes in Emojiland. There are a lot of conflicts swirling around, mostly pertaining to the ritual of software updates and the air of existential dread. &ldquo;Tonight is an update, do you know what that means?&rdquo; Sunny asks the crew. &ldquo;The end of the world?&rdquo; someone pipes up. &ldquo;Pretty much nothing?&rdquo; someone else guesses. (It&rsquo;s a nice summary of the way bloggers treat each round of iOS.) For Sunny, an update means the possibility of new male emoji who might threaten his burgeoning sex cult. For Princess, it means a threat to her power. For Smize, it means another disappointment, as she (yet again) fails to be updated into a more complex representation of varied human emotion.</p>

<p>Because everyone&rsquo;s worst fears come true, the emotions spiral from there. Princess and the newly introduced Prince decide to build a Firewall around Emojiland to keep out any additional updates &mdash; for example, a King or Queen &mdash; under the guise of protecting everyone from malware. Everyone becomes xenophobic, and Lady Cop starts acting like a cop. In a largely unrelated plot, Nerd Face, a new emoji who uses big words and has a crush on Smize, gets conned by his new friend Skull into making a virus that will murder everyone in Emojiland. He only meant to help Skull kill himself!</p>

<p>By the way, Skull is gross. He talks in &ldquo;freshman comp lit major reading <em>Hamlet</em> aloud to the class&rdquo; voice, and he keeps saying &ldquo;cross my bones and hope to die,&rdquo; which doesn&rsquo;t even make sense. He wears an elegant knee-length hoodie and dramatic contouring makeup which turns his cheeks into deep green holes. Every time he sings, he&rsquo;s accompanied by absolutely offensive computerized Spanish guitar riffs. He&rsquo;s central to my main beef with <em>Emojiland</em>, which is that when the firewall and mass-murder plots are introduced, the story gets way too serious. Shortly after these plot twists, Construction Worker sings a barn-burner called &ldquo;Stand For,&rdquo; which is about her principled refusal to build a wall around her city. Later, she builds a wall around her city because her cop girlfriend forces her to. Then she dies!</p>
<div class="wp-block-vox-media-highlight vox-media-highlight alignnone"><img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/8526751/Screen_Shot_2017_05_16_at_10.31.03_AM__2_.png?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Emoji Movie" />

<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="J3Ev9s"><a href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/7/28/16057134/emoji-movie-review-bad"><strong>The Emoji Movie is so bad, it made us yell at strangers on the street</strong></a></h3></div>
<p>In response, her cop girlfriend sings <a href="https://www.facebook.com/playbill/videos/10155660031960418/">a song called &ldquo;1,000 Words,&rdquo;</a> in which she says &ldquo;People say a picture&rsquo;s worth a thousand words / but I don&rsquo;t need a picture to remember you.&rdquo; This <em>emoji </em>musical, if you are keeping up, is pro-words and anti-pictures. It&rsquo;s also pro-assisted suicide and anti-kissing, as demonstrated by the fact that Smize dies moments after she realizes she would like to make out with Nerd Face. Before she &ldquo;gets deleted,&rdquo; she tells him, &ldquo;I can think therefore I am / I&rsquo;m part of the universe, not just RAM,&rdquo; a lyric that&rsquo;s hard to think about for too long.</p>

<p><em>The New Yorker</em>&rsquo;s Richard Brody <a href="https://www.newyorker.com/culture/richard-brody/the-curse-of-the-pixar-universe">criticized <em>Inside Out</em></a> for its &ldquo;deformation of children, and of mental life,&rdquo; which he argued was the result of a cynical, stupid obsession with simplicity. &ldquo;In lieu of the mysteries and wonders of life, instead of big dreams and big fears,&rdquo; he wrote, &ldquo;<em>Inside Out</em> offers problems to be solved, a narrow range of a narrow life of narrow prospects and narrow experiences, narrow fantasies and narrow desires[.]&rdquo; He also said that the movie made him hate all children, including his own.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>It’s hard to relate to an emoji’s existential crisis</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>That response seems disproportionate, but the common thread between all creative works that use emotions as characters is that they ask you to sympathize with the interior life of a symbol that wishes it could represent more than one thing. Because even the worst people are complicated, mysterious, and full of contradictions from the day they&rsquo;re born, this is an existential crisis that it isn&rsquo;t <em>possible </em>for a person to have, which makes it probably the only inherently worthless question for art to dwell on. The emotions and emoji in <em>Inside Out</em>, <em>The Emoji Movie</em>, and <em>Emojiland</em> are played by people, and they&rsquo;re meant to represent people. But it&rsquo;s hard to relate to a symbol&rsquo;s suffering when it&rsquo;s so specifically tied to the experience of being a symbol.</p>

<p>Besides, human ingenuity means most emoji <em>do </em>symbolize more than one thing. An upside-down face meant literally nothing at all until social media users imbued it with a &ldquo;lol, nothing matters&rdquo; connotation a couple of years ago, and an eggplant emoji meant an eggplant for only the briefest period of its life. There are words (and words are also symbols) that only mean one thing and can&rsquo;t achieve complexity until someone uses them in a meaningful sequence. Where is the musical or animated film about the plight of the word &ldquo;sparrow,&rdquo; which wishes it meant &ldquo;sandwich?&rdquo; It probably doesn&rsquo;t exist because there&rsquo;s a point where investigating abstractions feels meaningless. It&rsquo;s worth considering why emoji exist, why so many platforms feel it&rsquo;s necessary to let their users express emotions without words or effort, and why users have embraced the creative challenge of turning simple symbols into complex, meaningful ones. It&rsquo;s less important to wonder how the emoji feel about their future.</p>

<p>The temptation to write a film or musical around embodied emotions is understandable. It&rsquo;s part sales gimmick, part coy humor. There may be a little paranoia involved. (&ldquo;What if that phone you&rsquo;re using all the time hated you for the way you use it?&rdquo;) And, at least in part, it&rsquo;s the laziness that comes with wanting to jump into a story where the audience is already invested in existing characters and concepts. What &ldquo;character&rdquo; is more recognizable than the flattest reductions of common human states of feeling? What IP is more recognizable than Unicode, a foundational part of modern human expression?</p>

<p>But the real reason people keep doing it is, I think, a little stupider. &ldquo;Deciding what matters is deciding what matters,&rdquo; <em>Emojiland</em> hero Nerd Face yells at Skull as he reaches for the Factory Reset button, which will bring all the dead emoji back to life. &ldquo;It&rsquo;s beautiful in its simplicity!&rdquo; It sure is, but since the Factory Reset wipes the memory of all of the emoji and returns them to a state of smiling confusion, what, exactly, is he saying matters? Abstractions? Existence? Deciding to act even if the act itself is destructive? He&rsquo;s definitely not arguing for personal growth or enlightenment or even a nice love story. It&rsquo;s more like a bare minimum, dressed up with glitter and show tunes.</p>

<p>The finale number of <em>Emojiland</em> features the refrain &ldquo;it&rsquo;s just so great to be alive!&rdquo; That&rsquo;s generally true, but it isn&rsquo;t asking much, either for the emoji characters on the stage or for the audience watching. If we&rsquo;re going to stay alive, we might as well do it for a reason &mdash;&nbsp;like the joy of sharing the total banger &ldquo;Princess is a Bitch&rdquo; and the sometimes-fun struggle of asking our own, more complicated existential questions.</p>
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					</entry>
			<entry>
			
			<author>
				<name>Kaitlyn Tiffany</name>
			</author>
			
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Introducing a one-time only podcast about a highly specific Tinder problem]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.theverge.com/2016/12/27/14081944/verge-extras-podcast-tinder-saving-phone-numbers-dating-apps" />
			<id>https://www.theverge.com/2016/12/27/14081944/verge-extras-podcast-tinder-saving-phone-numbers-dating-apps</id>
			<updated>2018-04-24T13:31:29-04:00</updated>
			<published>2018-04-24T13:31:29-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Apps" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Podcasts" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Tech" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="TL;DR" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[What&#8217;s the biggest problem you run into while using the popular dating app Tinder? Is it that almost all the children of the Earth seem appalling when reduced to four photos and the opportunity to describe themselves in two sentences? Is it that you are a busy modern creature with precious little time to message [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<figure>

<img alt="" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/3539020/tinder-3163.0.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" />
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<p>What&rsquo;s the biggest problem you run into while using the popular dating app Tinder?</p>

<p>Is it that almost all the children of the Earth seem appalling when reduced to four photos and the opportunity to describe themselves in two sentences? Is it that you are a busy modern creature with precious little time to message the people in your life you already care about, much less strangers about whom you know nothing? Is it your terrible reflexes, never more inconvenient than when you have only a split-second to get someone else&rsquo;s unbidden genitalia out of your face?</p>

<p>Or, like <em>Circuit Breaker</em> writer Ashley Carman, is it that you never know how or when to save a person in your phone? Ashley wrote about this on <em>The Verge</em> a few weeks ago, <a href="http://www.theverge.com/2016/12/10/13890136/dating-saving-phone-numbers-contacts">regaling us with the charming anecdote </a>of the time a boy saved her in <em>his</em> phone as a fishcake emoji. After her post went viral in Vox Media&rsquo;s Slack rooms and out loud in <em>Verge</em> HQ, we (myself and <em>Verge </em>culture reporter / news editor Lizzie Plaugic) knew we had to congregate in a very dark closet and talk about it at some length.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-instagram wp-block-embed-instagram alignnone"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
<blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/BOFdROABYf9/?utm_source=ig_embed&#038;utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="14"><div> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BOFdROABYf9/?utm_source=ig_embed&#038;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank"> <div> <div></div> <div> <div></div> <div></div></div></div><div></div> <div></div><div> <div>View this post on Instagram</div></div><div></div> <div><div> <div></div> <div></div> <div></div></div><div> <div></div> <div></div></div><div> <div></div> <div></div> <div></div></div></div> <div> <div></div> <div></div></div></a><p><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BOFdROABYf9/?utm_source=ig_embed&#038;utm_campaign=loading" target="_blank">A post shared by Kaitlyn Tiffany (@kait_tiffany)</a></p></div></blockquote>
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<p>So we did it! Using anecdotal evidence and one impromptu phone call to a former romantic interest, we figured out the best way to go about saving numbers in the age of Tinder. <strong>Spoiler</strong>: it&rsquo;s definitely not to refer to people by their first names, as 108 percent of the male population of the United States is named &ldquo;Matt.&rdquo;</p>
<iframe src="https://player.megaphone.fm/VMP4391503034"></iframe>
<p>Another idea Ashley, Kaitlyn, and Lizzie are trying to get management on board with is a game show-style podcast about New York City public transportation. You give us a location, we aggressively debate the best way to get there &mdash; we weigh walking distance vs. total travel time, train crowdedness vs. train&rsquo;s propensity for delays, Showtime boys vs. no Showtime boys, etc. We would call it <em>The Amazing Race</em>! Anyway, just think about it.</p>

<p>And of course, we&#8217;d love it if you&nbsp;<a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/verge-extras/id977512672?mt=2">subscribed to the show on iTunes</a>, along with&nbsp;<em>The Verge</em>&#8216;s other great podcasts like&nbsp;<a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/ctrl-walt-delete/id1043196031?mt=2">Ctrl-Walt-Delete</a> and<a href="https://soundcloud.com/the_verge"><em>&nbsp;Vergecast</em></a>. You might also want to check out&nbsp;<a href="http://recode.net/podcasts/"><em>Recode Decode</em></a>, hosted by Kara Swisher, and&nbsp;<a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/too-embarrassed-to-ask/id1073226719?mt=2"><em>Too Embarrassed to Ask</em></a><em>,</em>&nbsp;featuring&nbsp;<em>The Verge</em>&#8216;s Lauren Goode. Also: let us know what you think of this episode of <em>Verge Extras</em>! We love your feedback and suggestions on how to make our audio entertainment better and more fun. Especially if your suggestion is, &ldquo;how about a podcast called <em>The Amazing Race</em>?&rdquo;</p>

<p>P.S. If you liked the incredible tune you heard briefly in this episode of <em>Verge Extras</em>, here is the full thing:</p>
<div class="youtube-embed"><iframe title="Siri, Open Tinder" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/JjX62x74QEI?rel=0" allowfullscreen allow="accelerometer *; clipboard-write *; encrypted-media *; gyroscope *; picture-in-picture *; web-share *;"></iframe></div>
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			<entry>
			
			<author>
				<name>Kaitlyn Tiffany</name>
			</author>
			
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Do you take selfies in public?]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.theverge.com/2018/3/20/17139000/selfies-kim-kardashian-whyd-you-push-that-button-podcast-listen" />
			<id>https://www.theverge.com/2018/3/20/17139000/selfies-kim-kardashian-whyd-you-push-that-button-podcast-listen</id>
			<updated>2018-03-20T09:01:36-04:00</updated>
			<published>2018-03-20T09:01:36-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Culture" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Entertainment" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Podcasts" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Tech" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Why&#039;d You Push That Button?" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[Do you take selfies? Do you take them in public? Do you watch other people take selfies in public and judge them harshly, as if it is any of your business? Or, uh, why does anyone have an opinion on the selfie behaviors of others? I don&#8217;t take them; Ashley does. Who cares? This is [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<p>Do you take selfies? Do you take them in public? Do you watch other people take selfies in public and judge them harshly, as if it is any of your business?</p>

<p>Or, uh, why does anyone have an opinion on the selfie behaviors of others? I don&rsquo;t take them; Ashley does. Who cares?</p>

<p>This is our question on <em>Why&rsquo;d You Push That Button</em> this week  &mdash;&nbsp; with a long detour to defend Kim Kardashian, the tryingest social media pioneer and performance artist of our time &mdash;&nbsp;and we&rsquo;re going to get to the bottom of it. We spoke to Alicia Eler, author of <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Selfie-Generation-Self-Images-Changing-Notions/dp/1510722645">the brand-new book</a> <em>The Selfie Generation, </em>and she broke down the subtle misogyny of maligning young women for making their own records of their lives. We discussed the <a href="https://nypost.com/2018/02/05/super-bowl-selfie-kid-i-was-having-technical-difficulties/">Super Bowl &ldquo;selfie kid&rdquo;</a> and those <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2015/10/1/9434945/mlb-alpha-chi-omega-arizona-state-baseball-selfies">very annoying sports announcers</a> from 2015.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>why does anyone have an opinion on the selfie behaviors of others?</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>Then we chatted with <em>Racked </em>executive editor Julia Rubin, who does not allow anyone to take photos of her at any time &mdash;&nbsp;never mind taking them of herself. Selfies are embarrassing, she says! As a fashion editor, Julia has had other jobs that required her to maintain a meticulous and glamorous Instagram, and that&rsquo;s just not the life she wants to live anymore.</p>

<p>Finally, we spoke to Dr. Sarah Diefenbach, a professor of market and consumer psychology at the University of Munich. Earlier this year, she <a href="https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00007/full">co-published a paper</a> called &ldquo;The Selfie Paradox: Nobody Seems to Like Them Yet Everyone Has Reasons to Take Them.&rdquo; There&rsquo;s a lot of gold in there, but we were fascinated by her finding that people who take selfies are likely to justify it to themselves as a &ldquo;situational&rdquo; decision &mdash;&nbsp;e.g. &ldquo;I&rsquo;m at the opening of Jake Gyllenhaal&rsquo;s first Broadway musical, I need a photo of me having this incredible experience, even though I don&rsquo;t normally take selfies,&rdquo; or &ldquo;I&rsquo;m having a special, unique drunk night with a dear friend and I look good and I need to document it just this once.&rdquo; When they see other people take selfies, they assume the reason behind it is that the person <em>is </em>a selfie-taker, by nature. This is called the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamental_attribution_error">fundamental attribution error</a>, and I vaguely recall learning about it in one of the many &ldquo;communication&rdquo; classes I slept or read <em>Jezebel</em> through in college.</p>

<p>As usual, you can find us anywhere you find podcasts, including on&nbsp;<a href="https://go.redirectingat.com/?id=66960X1514734&amp;xs=1&amp;url=https%3A%2F%2Fitunes.apple.com%2Fus%2Fpodcast%2Fwhyd-you-push-that-button%2Fid1295289748%3Fmt%3D2">Apple Podcasts</a>,&nbsp;<a href="https://open.spotify.com/show/4xEBxMawkpToKdcnSTI7Ze">Spotify</a>,&nbsp;<a href="https://play.google.com/music/m/Ijzrectqkht6coftfoq3cyum4pe?t=Whyd_You_Push_That_Button">Google Play Music</a>, and our&nbsp;<a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/WhydYouPushThatButton">RSS feed</a>. And get caught up on&nbsp;<a href="https://www.theverge.com/whyd-you-push-that-button">season 1</a>&nbsp;if you missed out.</p>

<p>Listen to the full audio of the live episode here, and read the transcription of Sarah&rsquo;s interview below.</p>
<iframe src="https://player.megaphone.fm/VMP1669746478"></iframe>
<p><strong>Kaitlyn: So, what we&rsquo;re talking about today is: why do people take selfies in public? And why do other people feel embarrassed for them when they see it?</strong></p>

<p><strong>Ashley: I feel embarrassed when I take selfies in public, too, as a selfie-taker. So I feel like everyone feels embarrassed all around, even though we feel that we have to do it.</strong></p>

<p>Sarah Diefenbach: Yeah so, what we term the &ldquo;selfie paradox,&rdquo; it&rsquo;s more or less the ambivalent attitude toward selfies. Everybody is taking them, but also feeling embarrassed a bit and yeah, we put some empirical data to this. So, for example, we asked people whether they like selfies or whether they would wish for more or less selfies in social media. And here we had really the majority &mdash; so over 80 percent &mdash; who said they wish for less selfies in social media. But at the same time, we found that nearly everybody is contributing and yeah, 77 percent were reporting they were regularly taking selfies, so this was a first interesting finding. So everybody&rsquo;s taking them, but nobody seems to like them.</p>

<p>In the next step, what our research explores are the possible reasons behind this. Psychological needs and mechanisms. And there we had this interesting finding that people rated others&rsquo; selfies as very self-presentational, so they saw this kind of narcissistic attitude in it, but few had it for their own selfies. So, on the contrary, people rated their own selfies as quite self-ironic. So, this is an interesting finding: when you are making and posting your selfies, the impression you make on others might be quite different than what you think it is and what you think is funny and could be a joke.</p>

<p><strong>Kaitlyn: So, in the paper you mentioned that people were able to &ldquo;justify&rdquo; taking selfies. Could you explain that a little bit more, the ways that we justify it to ourselves? To me, if I was going to take a selfie in public, I would definitely have to walk myself through this thought process of, &ldquo;Well everyone does it, it&rsquo;s okay, I want a record of me being in this place, blah blah blah.&rdquo; I would have to list off so many reasons before I could possibly do that. </strong></p>

<p>Yeah, exactly. So, I think what you&rsquo;re reporting, it also shows some of this ambivalent characteristic of selfies, because on the one side, we are well aware that it&rsquo;s a kind of self-presentational issue. And we also found that it definitely fulfills self-presentational needs because of people who are very prone to particular self-presentation strategies in general &mdash; like showing their emotions or highlighting their personal strengths &mdash; they were also the more popular selfie takers. But on the other hand, you feel that you need some justification for it, so some popular justifications are, for example, documenting what is happening because normally you are also posting your selfie and giving others insight in your life, sharing your emotions, feeling connected to others, to your friends and family. Also, like I mentioned, this self-ironic aspect. Like, &ldquo;Well, it&rsquo;s just a little joke and I will bring a smile to others who see my selfie.&rdquo;</p>

<p><strong>Ashley: Yeah, I think that&rsquo;s why sometimes when I see people who take selfies and take it really seriously, like they post it on their Instagram and the caption is not at all a joke. </strong></p>

<p><strong>Kaitlyn: Like a really serious song lyric.</strong></p>

<p><strong>Ashley: Yeah. It&rsquo;s just like, okay. I don&rsquo;t know, I do feel funny when I see people doing that, but I wonder how they&rsquo;re justifying it. Just like, &ldquo;I look good today.&rdquo; Maybe that&rsquo;s it, maybe they&rsquo;re justification is &ldquo;I just look good and I want to tell people I look good.&rdquo; </strong></p>

<p><strong>Kaitlyn: Yeah. I was reading this book that quoted another professor who was like, people say that people who take selfies are narcissists, but that&rsquo;s just insane because if you were gonna say someone who takes a selfie is a narcissist than we have to declare every person under the age of 30 a clinical narcissist. There has to be other reasons.</strong></p>

<p><strong>Ashley: Right.</strong></p>

<p><strong>Kaitlyn: Than an actual mental problem. </strong></p>

<p>I think yeah, you also shouldn&rsquo;t blame the selfies for this phenomenon because it&rsquo;s just one way of self-presentation, and I think it&rsquo;s in some way a natural thing. People want attention and they always wanted attention and it&rsquo;s a natural need, also, to get some confirmation from others. So, I think it would be too easy to say it&rsquo;s just this narcissistic thing for everybody.</p>

<p>What we also wrote in the paper is that maybe it&rsquo;s part of the magic of selfies that they have this ambiguous character and that you can see it as a really narcissistic thing and only from the self-presentation angle, but you also can see it as a new form of art or yeah, really telling others something about yourself. And there are also some authors who really highlight this more artsy interpretation.</p>

<p><strong>Kaitlyn: So, you didn&rsquo;t touch on this in your paper, but I&rsquo;m curious if you have thoughts just as someone who thinks about selfies a lot, if there&rsquo;s a difference between the feeling of taking a selfie in the privacy of your home versus taking a selfie in public where somebody might see you.</strong></p>

<p>I think that there definitely is. I mean, we don&rsquo;t have exact research on this, but of course when you&rsquo;re in your home and nobody will see also how many selfies you made before you post the perfect one. I think this self-presentation will be more obvious, so my feeling would be that, for people, it&rsquo;s a higher barrier to take selfies in public than in private. But at the same time, what we found is that taking selfies has become already so popular and so widespread that people see it more or less as normal. And what also is a critical aspect is that they are often destroying the moment for others. So when you, for example, are at a nice place or a building or something and this technology comes first&#8230; Taking your selfie comes first and everything is centered on taking the perfect picture and yeah, no matter if you destroy the view or are in the way of others.</p>

<p><strong>Kaitlyn: The most interesting thing to me was when you were talking about how people have this quote unquote, &ldquo;distanced attitude,&rdquo; towards selfies where they don&rsquo;t really feel good about taking them, they don&rsquo;t really have a craving to see them, but if I continue taking selfies, even if I&rsquo;m doing it ironically or engaging in the classic selfie poses ironically, my selfie still has the effect of escalating other people&rsquo;s selfie behaviors. It&rsquo;s kind of just spiraling out of control. We can&rsquo;t undo it, whatever. </strong></p>

<p>Yeah, I think this is exactly how the story goes. What we found when we asked people about the perceived consequences of selfies &mdash; for the society and are they promoting an illusionary world &mdash; they said that selfies are a threat to self esteem, because in some cases you may post a selfie and you are hoping for many likes but you&rsquo;re getting negative comments to it. And so, in a reflective way, people really saw more negative than positive consequences of selfies, or saw these as more severe, but it seems that they don&rsquo;t see themselves as part of this. They really take a distanced attitude and say, &ldquo;But this is what happens to the world and all crazy people around me. They have fallen victim to the selfie hysteria, but for me it&rsquo;s just from time to time and as a joke and I can handle it.&rdquo; And if everybody thinks like this then yeah, we see the result as it is.</p>

<p><strong>Ashley: So, do you think in the future, I mean, selfies aren&rsquo;t new, this isn&rsquo;t a new phenomenon, but do you think in the future, that these attitudes could change or do you feel like this is just something that humans are going to think till the end of time about selfies?</strong></p>

<p>I think that it might go back a little bit, because in some years it won&rsquo;t be so new anymore so maybe people will become more aware that they have to somehow deal with their resources and how they use them. Taking selfies might not be the most fulfilling activity for all ages but the basic mechanisms and this tendency that you will see more justified reasons for your own selfies and less justified for the selfies of others. I think this will remain the same because yeah, this all goes back to basic psychological mechanism and human needs and I don&rsquo;t think this will change so quickly.</p>
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			<entry>
			
			<author>
				<name>Kaitlyn Tiffany</name>
			</author>
			
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[The robot dogs I have loved the most]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2018/3/18/17129706/robot-dogs-pneuhound-tekno-silver-interactive-toy-puppy-poo-chi-idog-joy-all-companion-pet-golden" />
			<id>https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2018/3/18/17129706/robot-dogs-pneuhound-tekno-silver-interactive-toy-puppy-poo-chi-idog-joy-all-companion-pet-golden</id>
			<updated>2018-03-18T13:00:02-04:00</updated>
			<published>2018-03-18T13:00:02-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Circuit Breaker" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Culture" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Entertainment" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Gadgets" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Robot" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Tech" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="TL;DR" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[I&#8217;ve never been much of a gadget blogger. My entries on The Verge&#8217;s Circuit Breaker have been met with sentiments ranging from &#8220;is this a joke?&#8221; to &#8220;I have difficulties getting your writing style&#8221; to &#8220;this is why I swiped left on you on Tinder,&#8221; which was deleted by the moderators. But that doesn&#8217;t mean [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<img alt="" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/10439155/Ct13QEZWgAAwt9n.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,18.666666666667,99.111111111111,49" />
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<p>I&rsquo;ve never been much of a gadget blogger. My entries on <em>The Verge&rsquo;s</em> <em>Circuit Breaker</em> have been met with sentiments ranging from <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2016/9/12/12888796/wireless-earbuds-sharing-music-intimacy-teens-romance">&ldquo;is this a joke?&rdquo;</a> to <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2016/11/2/13500818/bejeweled-phone-case-bathroom-selfie-life#comments">&ldquo;I have difficulties getting your writing style&rdquo;</a> to &ldquo;this is why I swiped left on you on Tinder,&rdquo; which was deleted by the moderators.</p>

<p>But that doesn&rsquo;t mean I haven&rsquo;t loved any gadgets in my time. For example, I love the <a href="https://www.theverge.com/circuitbreaker/2016/7/13/12173302/robot-dog-pneuhound-chihuahua-osaka-university">PneuHound</a>, a tiny robot dog built in the Hosoda Laboratory at Osaka University in 2016. I love my co-worker Lizzie Plaugic&rsquo;s description of him, which was: &ldquo;It runs frantically, but without moving very much at all. It shivers constantly. It slams its little dumb body into walls.&rdquo;</p>

<p>I also love SynDaver Labs&rsquo; <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2016/6/2/11840998/synthetic-dog-veterinary-school-syndaver-labs">anatomically correct synthetic dog</a>, built the same year, which Lizzie described as: &ldquo;His body looks like uncooked bacon.&rdquo; In fact, thinking about all the gadgets I have loved, none of them are my iPhone&nbsp;(which regularly tells me that the weather will be poor or that bad people are in charge of even the dumb stuff)&nbsp;or my TV (which only gets five channels and one of them is called &ldquo;Movies!&rdquo; and exclusively plays movies from 1987) or my laptop&nbsp;(which is covered in dirt and jam and reflects poorly on my personal hygiene). Nope! They&rsquo;re all robot dogs.</p>

<p>Here are the four I have loved the most.</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="wTjSyo">Tekno Robot Dog Silver Interactive Toy Puppy by Quest</h2><h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="RQq3bN">2000</h3>
<p>I owned this robot dog as a child, and I totally forgot about how delightful (and terrifying!) it is, until I encountered one in <em>Why&rsquo;d You Push That Button</em> producer Andrew Marino&rsquo;s home in Brooklyn this winter. I played with it for so long, almost right up to the point of the party when Andrew said, &ldquo;It&rsquo;s my birthday. I just wanted everyone to have the experience of not knowing they&rsquo;re at a birthday party.&rdquo;</p>
<div class="youtube-embed"><iframe title="Tekno the Robotic Puppy" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/rqfr6SB-cyQ?rel=0" allowfullscreen allow="accelerometer *; clipboard-write *; encrypted-media *; gyroscope *; picture-in-picture *; web-share *;"></iframe></div><h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="iNMfut">Poo-Chi by Sega Toys</h2><h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="QNGZhT">2002</h3>
<p>Also, I had this robot dog as a child. Why were my parents buying me new robot dogs at a much sharper pace than the one at which I currently upgrade my cellphone or go to the dentist? Unclear! I&rsquo;ll call them later and ask, but it&rsquo;s none of your business. I had the one with blue ears and my sister had the Dalmation one.</p>
<div class="youtube-embed"><iframe title="Poo-Chi Test" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/LNwi5ALG-6Q?rel=0" allowfullscreen allow="accelerometer *; clipboard-write *; encrypted-media *; gyroscope *; picture-in-picture *; web-share *;"></iframe></div><h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="2WUi3z">iDog by Sega Toys</h2><h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="MuUvRZ">2005</h3>
<p>Possibly the greatest gadget of my lifetime,&nbsp;the iDog was a dancing speaker that was meant to be plugged into an iPod, but realistically you could plug it into anything. It was supposed to react, emotionally, to the music you played through it. I plugged my iDog into a SanDisk MP3 player with probably 30 songs on it, including the entirety of The Dixie Chicks album <em>Fly</em>, a selection of Dan Fogelberg&rsquo;s greatest hits, and Paper Lace&rsquo;s &ldquo;The Night Chicago Died.&rdquo; My little guy had no idea what to do with himself!</p>
<div class="youtube-embed"><iframe title="2005 Idog - Sad - Country" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/OERdepLPlI8?rel=0" allowfullscreen allow="accelerometer *; clipboard-write *; encrypted-media *; gyroscope *; picture-in-picture *; web-share *;"></iframe></div>
<p>There&rsquo;s <a href="https://www.reverbnation.com/jesta/song/202410-me-my-music-and-my-idog">a real song</a> called &ldquo;Me, My Music, and My iDog,&rdquo; and the chorus goes &ldquo;All I need is me, my music, and my iDog / Don&rsquo;t care &lsquo;bout anything else / All I need is me, my music, and my iDog / Don&rsquo;t care &lsquo;bout anything else.&rdquo;</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator" />
<p>The next decade was rough for me.</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator" /><h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="Fnlwyz">Joy for All Companion Pet Golden Pup by Hasbro</h2><h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="YArcBI">2016</h3>
<p>In <a href="https://twitter.com/kait_tiffany/status/782913034532556802">October 2016</a>, Lizzie was mailed a Joy for All Companion Pet manufactured by Hasbro &mdash; for no reason at all that was clear to us. The yellow lab puppy is primarily recommended for Alzheimer&rsquo;s and dementia patients who are unable to take care of a living dog but deserve and want a small pet friend anyway.</p>

<p>Lizzie named this one Ricky, and he sat on her desk until we moved out of Vox&rsquo;s Bryant Park offices in January 2017. He rode downtown in a black plastic box and was lovingly (or roughly) delivered (who knows!) to our new offices in the Financial District. He sat by us through thick and thin, nodding and affixing a Vox Union pin to his neckerchief, comforting us with a simulated heartbeat that roughly matched our own, barking lightly, when we allowed him to.</p>
<div class="twitter-embed"><a href="https://twitter.com/kait_tiffany/status/938868925047164933" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">View Link</a></div>
<p>According to the <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Joy-All-Companion-Pet-Golden/dp/B01L9B5JYU/ref=pd_lpo_vtph_21_bs_t_1?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=984BNA3F82CPDJCFE6BZ">Amazon reviews</a> for Ricky, &ldquo;His cute responses to voice and movement, the heartbeat when patted, [and] the heavy breathing / light snoring as he goes off to sleep make it impossible not to smile.&rdquo; I agree.</p>

<p>Those are the robot dogs I have loved the most.</p>
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			<entry>
			
			<author>
				<name>Kaitlyn Tiffany</name>
			</author>
			
			<author>
				<name>Lizzie Plaugic</name>
			</author>
			
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[One Video: Need a Little Time by Courtney Barnett]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2018/3/16/17124274/courtney-barnett-need-a-little-time-music-video-watch" />
			<id>https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2018/3/16/17124274/courtney-barnett-need-a-little-time-music-video-watch</id>
			<updated>2018-03-16T12:01:02-04:00</updated>
			<published>2018-03-16T12:01:02-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Culture" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Entertainment" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Music" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="TL;DR" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[Every week, a slew of new music videos hits the web. Watching them at your desk is not time theft because you deserve it; think of it as a nice reward for surviving another work week. But what if you don&#8217;t have time to watch every video &#8212; maybe you have a deadline, a hungry [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<p><em>Every week, a slew of new music videos hits the web. Watching them at your desk is not time theft because you deserve it; think of it as a nice reward for surviving another work week. But what if you don&rsquo;t have time to watch every video &mdash; maybe you have a deadline, a hungry pet, or other grown-up concerns. In consideration of your schedule, Lizzie and Kaitlyn bring you a series called&nbsp;</em><a href="http://www.theverge.com/one-video">One Video</a>.<em>&nbsp;Each week we&rsquo;ll tell you &ldquo;one video&rdquo; you need to watch, why, and for how long. </em></p>

<p>Welcome to the final installment of <em>One Video</em>, a column that was good while it lasted, but as Shania would say: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=564_E2Vnaus">&ldquo;now we&rsquo;re past it!&rdquo;</a></p>

<p>It&rsquo;s not because our love for music videos or light time theft has dimmed at all, and of course, our love for each other only grows each day. It&rsquo;s also not a decision made due to low page views, as no installment of <em>One Video</em> has ever had fewer than 18 readers, and that we can promise you. The truth is that Kaitlyn will only be working at this website for two more days. Before you ask: of course she made Lizzie a <a href="https://open.spotify.com/user/124462477/playlist/3BZENWTqINkm0HQ9GgD9Zi?si=qsmeh-BuQ1aS9jFnULz2TQ">breakup playlist</a>, and of course it is very moving!</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="VAvmtX">This week’s video: “Need a Little Time” by Courtney Barnett</h2>
<p><strong>Kaitlyn: </strong>In the last week of <em>One Video&rsquo;</em>s sweet little life, the Lord saw fit to test it. Taylor Swift released <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCXGJQYZ9JA">a visual </a>for &ldquo;Delicate,&rdquo; brutally murdering the best song on her album with a PSA about <a href="https://www.amny.com/entertainment/taylor-swift-delicate-subway-1.17325709">how to get hookworm</a> and an ad-spot for the LA bar <a href="http://213hospitality.com/goldengopher/">Golden Gopher</a> &mdash; an &ldquo;iconic property&rdquo; refurbished in 2004 by &ldquo;Cedd Moses&rsquo; acclaimed 213 Hospitality, the first hospitality developer to stake a claim in the neighborhood&rsquo;s historically significant buildings by reinventing them into cultural destinations.&rdquo;</p>

<p>Lil Dicky &mdash; one of the most underobserved and revolting people of our time &mdash; released a <a href="https://www.highsnobiety.com/p/lil-dicky-chris-brown-freaky-friday-video/">video</a> with Chris Brown, Ed Sheeran, and Kendall Jenner. In it, he and Jenner switch bodies, and then she sings, as Lil Dicky, as her (?), &ldquo;I got a vagina, I&rsquo;m gonna explore that right now. Holy shit, I got a vagina.&rdquo;</p>

<p>What the <em>shit</em> is <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKLLeTZCLT8&amp;feature=youtu.be">Vic Mensa</a> ever doing?</p>
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/10437783/Screen_Shot_2018_03_16_at_9.11.51_AM.png?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="" />
<p><strong>Lizzie: </strong>It&rsquo;s rough to come to terms with the fact that we&rsquo;re living in the final days of One Video, but perhaps it&rsquo;s even rougher to come to terms with the fact that music videos do not seem to have measurably improved since we started this godforsaken column.</p>

<p>If I were feeling generous, I&rsquo;d say that, over the course of <em>One Vid</em>, the chances were usually pretty high that at least one musician would release a good video every week (except for that time we wrote about a Shins video, and all the other weeks we skipped due to some combination of exhaustion and boredom and no options other than visual trauma released by Imagine Dragons).</p>

<p><strong>Kaitlyn: </strong>Anyway, this week, we picked the space-themed video for &ldquo;Need a Little Time,&rdquo; a song about needing a little time.</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="vs7CBy">Who is Courtney Barnett?</h2>
<p><strong>Kaitlyn: </strong>Courtney Barnett is an Australian singer and songwriter who is a personal hero to many &mdash; and not just when she is wisely putting on a space suit and launching herself out among the stars to avoid an unpleasant conversation.</p>

<p>Her new album, <em>Tell Me How You Really Feel</em>, is due out May 18th. The lead single is called &ldquo;Nameless, Faceless,&rdquo; and the chorus is the slightly paraphrased Margaret Atwood quote &ldquo;Men are scared that women will laugh at them; women are scared that men will kill them.&rdquo; Another time, <a href="https://nerdist.com/indie-interview-courtney-barnett-talks-nirvana-pulp-fiction-and-going-to-bed-early/">she said</a> that if she could only dance to one song for the rest of her life, it would be &ldquo;You Never Can Tell&rdquo;&nbsp;by Chuck Berry. Not my choice, but it&rsquo;s an interesting question to think about for a few hours and discuss with friends. I&rsquo;m curious what Lizzie would choose.</p>
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/10437775/Screen_Shot_2018_03_16_at_9.15.18_AM.png?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="" />
<p><strong>Lizzie: </strong>The other day while at the gym, I listened to J. Cole&rsquo;s &ldquo;Work Out,&rdquo; which is not actually about working out, but it felt fitting anyway. It&rsquo;s so, so embarrassing, but what is the point of the last <em>One Video</em> if it&rsquo;s not to embarrass myself? I had a good time and thought, &ldquo;This would also be an appropriate song to listen to during a spin class.&rdquo; I know that&rsquo;s not the question, but I&rsquo;m sick of doing what is asked of me!</p>

<p><strong>Kaitlyn: </strong>My choice is &ldquo;Leavin&rsquo;&rdquo; by Jesse McCartney. Thanks, and whatever, Lizzie!</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="nnFA23">What’s special about “Need a Little Time” by Courtney Barnett:</h2>
<p><strong>Kaitlyn: </strong>What&rsquo;s going on with everyone&rsquo;s faces? Hard to say. It&rsquo;s special to think about the artistic choices that director <a href="http://www.dannycohen.com/">Danny Cohen</a> and production designer <a href="https://www.marnikornhauser.com/">Marni Kornhauser</a> are making here. There are extensive credits in the YouTube description of &ldquo;Need a Little Time,&rdquo; and one of them is a food truck in Wodonga, Australia. Nice!</p>

<p>Also special: space, wooden tongue depressor, lovely shades of teal throughout, tiny planet the perfect size for Courtney Barnett.</p>
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/10437787/Screen_Shot_2018_03_16_at_9.12.33_AM.png?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="" />
<p><strong>Lizzie: </strong>I think most music video connoisseurs would agree that the presence of musical instruments in a video is, in most cases, a cop-out. In this case, Courtney Barnett floats around space with nothing but her seafoam green guitar, and it <em>works</em>. I don&rsquo;t know why! Maybe because she doesn&rsquo;t use her instrument as an aesthetic crutch, like, &ldquo;Oh I couldn&rsquo;t think of anything else to do, and I&rsquo;m a musician, so here&rsquo;s me holding a thing that makes sounds.&rdquo; Instead, it&rsquo;s like, &ldquo;I brought my guitar into space because what else am I gonna do out here?&rdquo;</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="PCWAPg">How long everyone should watch “Need a Little Time” by Courtney Barnett:</h2>
<p><strong>Kaitlyn: </strong>Over and over until the Earth moistens and crumbles beneath you like a graham cracker dipped in orange soda, leaving your body to free fall through space and time. Wouldn&rsquo;t you prefer that <em>One Video</em> never came to an end?</p>
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/10437785/Screen_Shot_2018_03_16_at_9.16.36_AM.png?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="" />
<p><strong>Lizzie: </strong>Yes! See you next week! Just kidding! It&rsquo;s really over! So watch the whole dang thing.</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="k0s9fx">Bonus Video:</h2><h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="nvyfdb">All “One Video” Videos:</h2>
<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2018/3/2/17071786/kelela-frontline-music-video-watch-sims">&ldquo;Frontline&rdquo; by Kelela</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2018/2/16/17019734/kings-dead-music-video-kendrick-lamar-future-black-panther">&ldquo;King&rsquo;s Dead&rdquo; by Kendrick Lamar, Future, Jay Rock, James Blake</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2018/2/9/16995116/paramore-rose-colored-boy-music-video-watch-hayley-williams">&ldquo;Rose-Colored Boy&rdquo; by Paramore </a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2018/2/2/16964234/kate-nash-drink-about-you-music-video-watch">&ldquo;Drink About You&rdquo; by Kate Nash</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2018/1/26/16935882/kali-uchis-tyler-the-creator-music-video-watch-after-the-storm">&ldquo;After the Storm&rdquo; by Kali Uchis, Tyler, the Creator, Bootsy Collins</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2018/1/19/16909400/maroon-5-wait-video-watch-snapchat-adam-levine">&ldquo;Wait&rdquo; by Maroon 5</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2018/1/12/16882582/ansel-elgort-supernova-music-video-watch">&ldquo;Supernova&rdquo; by Ansel Elgort</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2018/1/5/16853710/justin-timberlake-filthy-video-watch">&ldquo;Filthy&rdquo; by Justin Timberlake</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/12/29/16829756/kendrick-lamar-love-music-video-watch">&ldquo;LOVE.&rdquo; by Kendrick Lamar and Zacari</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/12/15/16780352/phoebe-bridgers-conor-oberst-music-video-watch">&ldquo;Would You Rather&rdquo; by Phoebe Bridgers and Conor Oberst</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/12/8/16751218/motorsport-music-video-watch-migos-nicki-minaj-cardi-b-cars">&ldquo;Motorsport&rdquo; by Migos, Cardi B, Nicki Minaj</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/12/1/16723422/demi-lovato-tell-me-you-love-me-music-video-watch">&ldquo;Tell Me You Love Me&rdquo; by Demi Lovato</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/11/10/16634360/xy-cell-life-uzi-vert-parody-cell-biology-video-watch">&ldquo;XY Cell Life&rdquo; by Julien Turner</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/11/3/16603088/selena-gomez-wolves-music-video-watch-marshmello-vertical-imessage">&ldquo;Wolves&rdquo; by Selena Gomez and Marshmello</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/10/27/16557274/mans-not-hot-big-shaq-music-video-watch">&ldquo;Man&rsquo;s Not Hot&rdquo; by Big Shaq</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/10/20/16507744/young-thug-family-dont-matter-music-video-watch">&ldquo;Family Don&rsquo;t Matter&rdquo; by Young Thug</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/10/6/16435386/brockhampton-boys-music-video-watch-scary-halloween">&ldquo;Boys&rdquo; by Brockhampton</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/9/29/16383806/love-is-blind-fergie-music-video-watch-doll-animation">&ldquo;Love is Blind&rdquo; by Fergie</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/9/22/16350636/perfume-genius-wreath-music-video-watch">&ldquo;Wreath&rdquo; by Perfume Genius</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/9/15/16307128/lana-del-rey-white-mustang-video-watch-space-retrofuturism">&ldquo;White Mustang&rdquo; by Lana Del Rey</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/9/8/16269886/oyinda-flatline-remix-ramzoid-pussykrew-360-music-video">&ldquo;Flatline&rdquo; by Oyinda</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/9/1/16234858/new-york-st-vincent-music-video-watch">&ldquo;New York&rdquo; by St. Vincent</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/8/25/16201676/taylor-swift-look-what-you-made-me-do-lyric-video-watch">&ldquo;Look What You Made Me Do&rdquo; (lyric video) by Taylor Swift</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/8/18/16167180/lil-peep-awful-things-music-video-watch">&ldquo;Awful Things&rdquo; by Lil Peep</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/8/12/16131846/one-video-half-a-million-the-shins-watch">&ldquo;Half a Million&rdquo; by The Shins</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/8/4/16094380/matty-b-raps-gone-music-video-watch">&ldquo;Gone&rdquo; by MattyBRaps</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/7/28/16055112/charli-xcx-boys-music-video-watch">&ldquo;Boys&rdquo; by Charli XCX</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/7/21/16008516/ko-ko-bop-exo-music-video-watch-kpop">&ldquo;Ko Ko Bop&rdquo; by Exo </a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/7/14/15971002/travis-scott-butterfly-effect-music-video-watch">&ldquo;Butterfly Effect&rdquo; by Travis Scott</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/7/7/15937376/kamaiyah-build-you-up-music-video-watch">&ldquo;Build You Up&rdquo; by Kamaiyah</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/6/29/15893230/i-dare-you-the-xx-music-video-watch-stranger-things">&ldquo;I Dare You&rdquo; by The xx</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/6/16/15811904/buddy-world-of-wonders-music-video-kaytranada-watch">&ldquo;World of Wonders&rdquo; by Buddy</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/6/9/15768382/mac-demarco-one-another-music-video-watch">&ldquo;One Another&rdquo; by Mac DeMarco</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/6/2/15728548/travis-scott-way-back-music-video-james-harden-watch">&ldquo;Way Back&rdquo; by Travis Scott</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/5/26/15697560/elton-john-tiny-dancer-music-video-watch-snapchat">&ldquo;Tiny Dancer&rdquo; by Elton John</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/5/19/15662692/vince-staples-big-fish-music-video-watch">&ldquo;Big Fish&rdquo; by Vince Staples</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/5/12/15629796/harry-styles-sign-of-the-times-video-watch">&ldquo;Sign of the Times&rdquo; by Harry Styles</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/5/5/15559714/ariana-grande-cashmere-cat-quit-video-watch">&ldquo;Quit&rdquo; by Cashmere Cat and Ariana Grande</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/4/28/15467808/dj-khaled-im-the-one-video-watch-bieber-chance-the-rapper">&ldquo;I&rsquo;m the One&rdquo; by DJ Khaled, Quavo, Lil Wayne, Chance the Rapper, Justin Bieber</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/4/21/15388362/zayn-still-got-time-music-video-harry-styles-war">&ldquo;Still Got Time&rdquo; by Zayn Malik and PARTYNEXTDOOR</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/tldr/2017/4/7/15217568/polymorphing-chairlift-new-music-video-watch">&ldquo;Polymorphing&rdquo; by Chairlift</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/3/31/15052306/humble-kendrick-lamar-music-video-watch">&ldquo;Humble&rdquo; by Kendrick Lamar</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/3/17/14961216/starrah-rush-music-video-watch">&ldquo;Rush&rdquo; by Starrah</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/3/10/14882184/ispy-music-video-kyle-lil-yachty-watch">&ldquo;iSpy&rdquo; by Kyle and Lil Yachty</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/3/2/14793910/lorde-green-light-new-single-music-video-watch">&ldquo;Green Light&rdquo; by Lorde</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/2/24/14728632/migos-deadz-2-chainz-video">&ldquo;Deadz&rdquo; by Migos</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/2/17/14647564/swang-rae-sremmurd-music-video-watch">&ldquo;Swang&rdquo; by Rae Sremmurd</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/2/10/14578982/one-video-john-wayne-by-lady-gaga">&ldquo;John Wayne&rdquo; by Lady Gaga</a></p>

<p><a href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/2/3/14497010/ansel-elgort-thief-music-video">&ldquo;Thief&rdquo; by Ansel Elgort</a></p>
<div class="youtube-embed"><iframe title="Jesse McCartney - Leavin&#039;" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/zR5_KkxgGqE?rel=0" allowfullscreen allow="accelerometer *; clipboard-write *; encrypted-media *; gyroscope *; picture-in-picture *; web-share *;"></iframe></div>
<p>Goodbye!</p>

<p>Bye!</p>
						]]>
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					</entry>
			<entry>
			
			<author>
				<name>Kaitlyn Tiffany</name>
			</author>
			
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[The worst girl at every SXSW party was me]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.theverge.com/2018/3/15/17122252/sxsw-2018-party-report-tumblr-hot-takes-pandora-sushi" />
			<id>https://www.theverge.com/2018/3/15/17122252/sxsw-2018-party-report-tumblr-hot-takes-pandora-sushi</id>
			<updated>2018-03-15T11:51:21-04:00</updated>
			<published>2018-03-15T11:51:21-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Culture" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Entertainment" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Report" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="SXSW" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[At South by Southwest, everyone is a VIP and no one is a VIP. Your $1,600 badge gives you access to everything in the world and nothing at all. You can breeze through the door at a startup&#8217;s private party with the flash of a business card or you can stand in a line wrapping [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
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<p>At South by Southwest, everyone is a VIP and no one is a VIP.</p>

<p>Your $1,600 badge gives you access to everything in the world and nothing at all. You can breeze through the door at a startup&rsquo;s private party with the flash of a business card or you can stand in a line wrapping around the block to get into a cable TV network&rsquo;s &ldquo;sensory house,&rdquo; which has already run out of Sugarfina gummies.</p>

<p>As a woman obsessed with mundanity and excess as well as status and how internet-age social structures make it both easy and impossible to pretend to have it, this is my ideal environment. SXSW is my <em>Westworld,</em> where I can act out my stupidest fantasies of self without consequence, and also there&rsquo;s <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2018/2/21/17037086/westworld-hbo-sxsw-sweetwater-immersive-experience">a Westworld</a>.</p>

<p>I love it, mostly because my favorite situations are the sort where the deep stupidity of modern life articulates itself in a way that is so plain it&rsquo;s impossible not to listen. Where men say &ldquo;we pair brands with the most important cultural moments of the next five to 10 years,&rdquo; and when you say &ldquo;Huh?&rdquo; they just say it again, in the exact same way. Where you can get a soap opera logo glued onto your fingernail. Where women with blunt, lily-blonde bobs search for something that must be levitating just over your left shoulder, all night long, <em>accidentally</em> missing the eye contact that would give them no choice but to verify that they remember meeting you two days ago. My favorite group contexts are ones in which you know just what everyone wants, and where no one is pretending it&rsquo;s you.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>you know just what everyone wants, and no one is pretending it’s you</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>Maybe it sounds dark, but I&rsquo;m not kidding. This kind of freedom from the kindness and interest of others is liberating. It lets you be the disengaged, distracted wreck you are! Do your makeup for no witness; spray your hair with a men&rsquo;s cologne sample you were handed on the street. It allows you to check your Instagram notifications in the middle of a conversation. It means you can say anything and get the exact same response, treat people the way they&rsquo;re treating you and go home feeling like nothing was ever at stake.</p>

<p>It&rsquo;s the best. So, every night for five nights in a row, I accepted any SXSW party invite that crossed my inbox, washed my face, and pulled up the corporate Uber account.</p>

<p>Here&rsquo;s how that went.</p>
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/10423995/ktiffany_180313_2384_0021.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Kaitlyn Tiffany / The Verge" /><h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="8GfEl0">Party #1</h2><h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="z9iVWB">Vox Media VIP Party</h3>
<p>I was wearing television makeup, a pillowcase line across my left cheek, and also, a black Top Shop jumpsuit I spent $105 on, specifically for this work trip to Texas.</p>

<p>Vox Media requested that all staff arrive at the &ldquo;VVIP&rdquo; portion (not to be confused with the &ldquo;VIP&rdquo; portion) of its three-day brand activation&rsquo;s opening night party at the Belmont no later than 7:50PM, but I was the only one who listened.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>I only like a few things in this world and one of them is being followed by new verified accounts on Twitter</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>This was nice because it afforded me the opportunity to watch beautiful people make competent arrangements of cocktail napkins and charcuterie. Eventually, there were enough Vox Media employees present for the beautiful people to move on to arranging us &mdash; a few in the VIP room (for VVIPs and VIPs, unless a VVIP was taking a meeting with an advertiser, a person too important for either label), a few in the indoor bar lined with white couches, a few outside to hover near the empty stage. My co-host Ashley Carman and I fielded compliments on the live podcast taping we&rsquo;d done earlier that day, and if they weren&rsquo;t offered voluntarily, we suggested them until they were. Everyone was so happy to be in Texas, and specifically to be at a conference where having &ldquo;press&rdquo; printed on your nametag actually literally opens doors. I was happiest of everyone because I only like a few things in this world and one of them is being followed by new verified accounts on Twitter. Another is smiling and saying, &ldquo;I work here,&rdquo; so as to be allowed to set my things in a back hallway full of clipboards and Advil liquid gels.</p>

<p>Ashley watched a boy who looked like Timoth&eacute;e Chalamet eat cube after cube of cheese and remarked, &ldquo;He <em>must</em> be famous. Why else would he be wearing a trench coat?&rdquo; I rolled my eyes and said I didn&rsquo;t think Vox invited any influencers to the party. It was okay. The air was the right temperature for everyone to talk about the merits of In-n-Out vs. Whattaburger for 45 minutes. It was remarkable, how imposing the skyline could be in a city that prides itself on being &ldquo;weird.&rdquo;</p>
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/10428255/Untitled_presentation__5_.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="" />
<p>On the staircase leading up to the second floor of the party &mdash; where there was a patio covered in beds, a third bar, and a man giving out Twix-branded socks &mdash; someone had printed the words &ldquo;Curiosity&rdquo; on one step, then &ldquo;Is&rdquo; on the next, then &ldquo;An,&rdquo; then &ldquo;Emotion.&rdquo; I thought about it for one hour.</p>

<p>There was a violinist who played the violin while Rihanna&rsquo;s &ldquo;Wild Thoughts&rdquo; blared from the speakers. There were two drummers who played drums while &ldquo;Despacito&rdquo; blared from the speakers. There was a balletic performance by two backup dancers flanking the Minnesota rapper Lizzo while she sang Beyonc&eacute;&rsquo;s &ldquo;Hold Up,&rdquo; which blared from the speakers. I drank a cocktail that smelled like L&rsquo;Or&eacute;al Kid&rsquo;s shampoo and tasted like water, and simultaneously ate a mini dark chocolate Twix bar and sat down on a Tempur-Pedic mattress. I asked a colleague, &ldquo;What should I say if I have to talk to an executive?&rdquo; He had no thoughts. I said, &ldquo;Should I ask, &lsquo;What are you most excited to see in a Vox Union contract?&rsquo;&rdquo; and he tried to take my drink out of my hand. He walked away before I could say, &ldquo;Why don&rsquo;t you follow me on Twitter!&rdquo;</p>

<p>At 11PM, I left to attend the premiere of a movie about a crime ring that makes and sells snuff films of teenage girls being dipped in corrosive acid.</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="mvuBKc">Party #2</h2><h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="KFWNSO">Banquet for “25 leading voices in sex and relationships”</h3>
<p>Hot Takes, a new company launching a speaking series about sex and relationships, invited me to a dinner party to celebrate its first year in existence. I was, according to the email, one of &ldquo;25 leading voices in sex and relationships.&rdquo; Okay! The party was at a banquet table in the backyard of Weather Up, a bar that also has two locations in New York &mdash; one of which is referenced in the first season of <em>Girls</em> and the other of which has a large planter in front of it, a ridiculous object I more or less shattered my kneecap on exactly one month ago after four tequila-sodas. Because knee injuries are one of the most notable physical experiences of childhood, the Weather Up brand now feels like home to me.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>I was, according to the email, one of “25 leading voices in sex and relationships.”</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>I was very comfortable explaining all of this context to a private lounge full of professional adults.</p>

<p>At dinner, I sat across from a semi-famous man I had no business talking to, sipping champagne from a chilled glass that was magically refilled every time I looked down at the views on my Instagram Story. He was holding a travel-sized vibrator, pale pink and indistinguishable from a tube of mascara, to the bags under his eyes, cranking it up. &ldquo;I&rsquo;ve heard this works,&rdquo; he said. I told him I loved the piece in <em>The</em> <em>New York Times.</em> He said &ldquo;Thank you!&rdquo; but did not follow me back on Twitter. I could tell that one in every three guests was also curious to know why I was invited, and I could tell it most of all when a cluster of the most obviously qualified attendees started talking about how the mainstream media thinks just <em>anyone</em> can write about relationships &mdash; as if it&rsquo;s not a field that requires expertise. I nodded, &ldquo;Yes, ridiculous,&rdquo; then texted a boy in Brooklyn: &ldquo;I&rsquo;m working on being extremely charming.&rdquo; I don&rsquo;t think he bought it. He changed the subject.</p>
<div class="instagram-embed"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BgR332gDzCN/?taken-by=hottakes.co" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">View Link</a></div>
<p>A dating app founder passed me his business card. The president of a branding agency passed the woman across from him a menstrual cup, and she traded him a recently patented condom for it. I ripped the tail off of a piece of shrimp and told the woman next to me, &ldquo;No, I didn&rsquo;t see on Instagram that the disgraced media personality you&rsquo;re talking about is engaged now, but I agree &mdash; how odd.&rdquo;</p>

<p>I talked to a woman wearing the most beautiful pair of earrings I had ever seen about what it is like to date someone who has extremely conservative parents. She put her name in my phone. I followed her on Instagram. She said, &ldquo;I love my sister, but I&rsquo;ve never been as good as she is at chasing success.&rdquo; She looked like she could be a Disney Channel star; she spoke with a slight Australian accent. I sent another text: &ldquo;I can&rsquo;t believe I&rsquo;m the type of person to accept free scallops and touch a stranger&rsquo;s arm for two hours.&rdquo; I thought maybe the text would be funny for us to look back on later, me and my new best friend.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>he presented his thoughts on Kim Kardashian: Not a fan. I started to cry.</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>The branding agency man told me his age and said he was worried that people were confusing valid seduction for sexual harassment. &ldquo;Oh, ARE they?&rdquo; I yelled. He stayed quiet until an hour later when he presented his thoughts on Kim Kardashian: Not a fan. I started to cry. I asked if he&rsquo;d seen the episode of her show in which she explains that she doesn&rsquo;t know how to do her black daughter&rsquo;s hair, but wants to devote time and money to learning. Has that conversation been on TV before, ever in history? Maybe he&rsquo;d seen the episode where Kim explained, in detail, the complicated, torturous malfunctions of her uterus, and how giving birth to her son almost killed her. He said, &ldquo;How old are you?&rdquo; I said, &ldquo;The women at this party are very interesting and prominent in their fields.&rdquo; He was wearing a pin with the branding agency&rsquo;s name on it. I was wearing a burgundy Urban Outfitters jumpsuit I bought with a credit card.</p>

<p>Before dessert, I excused myself to walk along the highway. &ldquo;Thank you so much for having me,&rdquo; I said. &ldquo;This was much better than I would have imagined.&rdquo;</p>
<h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="LF7mLQ">Party #3</h2><h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="yfeF3P">Tumblr’s “Show Up” party featuring Kelela</h3>
<p>Tumblr threw a party called &ldquo;Show Up!&rdquo; at an enormous bar and music venue on the far edge of the SXSW nightly free-for-all.</p>

<p>The list of musical guests was long and the headliner was R&amp;B singer Kelela, whose debut album <em>Take Me Apart</em> was a critical darling last year. She was a great choice, and a choice made by at least half-a-dozen other brands throughout the week. If I had thrown a party, she would have been my choice, too. That said, I do not know that, were I to throw a party for a fading website that is used primarily by teenagers and therefore unable to get even an embarrassing alcohol sponsor, I would call it &ldquo;Show Up!&rdquo;</p>

<p>Luckily, the extent to which &ldquo;Show Up!&rdquo; was a Tumblr-themed Tumblr party was sort of up for debate. One door in the VIP section had Tumblr logos on it. Draped over the stage, there was a banner that said &ldquo;Tumblr&rdquo; and &ldquo;Show Up!&rdquo; From the porch, you could see a Tumblr employee working her way down the guest list. Everything else was wood and deer heads. It was the sort of party where no person seems to have any relation to anyone else, including a bartender with a Santa Claus beard and a leather vest, who did not appear to know his co-workers by name.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-gallery has-nested-images columns-1 wp-block-gallery-3 is-layout-flex wp-block-gallery-is-layout-flex"><img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/10423969/ktiffany_180311_2384_0009.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Kaitlyn Tiffany / The Verge" />
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/10423965/ktiffany_180311_2384_0007.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Kaitlyn Tiffany / The Verge" />
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/10423961/ktiffany_180311_2384_0004.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Kaitlyn Tiffany / The Verge" />
</figure>
<p>We sat in an empty room full of long wooden tables and played HQ on <em>Verge </em>reporter Nick Statt&rsquo;s phone, losing on the 11th question and feeling like sun-kissed geniuses. There was no open bar, and therefore no applicable rules of journalistic ethics, so we were free to buy $5 plastic cups of rum punch and tell secrets. I begged to see photos of everyone&rsquo;s crushes on Instagram. Earlier in the day, Ashley and I had gone to a Bravo brand activation where you could take a photo of yourself in what looked to be a private jet but was actually just a shoddy backdrop and champagne glasses full of beige gel. Several of her followers and only one of mine were confused by the photo, which made me feel like I had done a better job selecting my friends than she had. Every time I finished a drink I asked for another secret.</p>

<p>&ldquo;What&rsquo;s a quintessential secret for you?&rdquo; our producer, Andrew Marino asked. &ldquo;What&rsquo;s the formula for a good secret?&rdquo;</p>

<p>If I have to tell you, you don&rsquo;t know any.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>“What’s a quintessential secret for you?”</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>As 10PM approached, stunning young people in elegant outfits and bronze eye makeup started to show up at &ldquo;Show Up!&rdquo; and crowd in on our table. It felt unfair. It hadn&rsquo;t really been a party in the first place, but it had been a nice way to be in a bar where there were plenty of chairs. Once that part was over, we couldn&rsquo;t fathom waiting around to see what was next. When I came out of the bathroom, I informed the people in line that there wasn&rsquo;t any toilet paper in there and a man in a golf shirt moved my body three feet to the left while whispering in my ear &ldquo;Boys don&rsquo;t need toilet paper, honey.&rdquo; It may have been the most nauseating moment of my entire life, but I smiled anyway because, obviously, it can still get worse.</p>

<p>When I got back to the table, Nick was telling everyone, &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t want to get involved in an immersive experience,&rdquo; and I think I said something idiotic. Like, &ldquo;Life is an immersive experience.&rdquo;</p>
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/10423959/ktiffany_180311_2384_0005.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Kaitlyn Tiffany / The Verge" /><h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="is3o7e">Party #4</h2><h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="7vsJK9">Secret sashimi party on the side of the highway</h3>
<p>I was sitting on the hotel bed eating a cup of chocolate ice cream with a tiny wooden spatula when Nick forwarded me the email invite for the fourth party of SXSW and possibly the last party my body would be able to handle, ever.</p>

<p>The subject line was &ldquo;Still at SXSW? Secret sashimi party tonight @ 8 PM.&rdquo; The secret sashimi was going to be prepared by former Olympic athlete Michael Stember, though the email mistakenly stated that it would be prepared by Michael Stebner, the culinary director of Sweetgreen. The sushi would be served in a garage and workshop owned by a lighting design company &mdash; located four miles outside of Austin, near an interstate on-ramp &mdash; and sponsored by a new blockchain protocol. No one specified whether there would be fire dancers, tightrope walkers, or men carrying women around as they held perfectly still in plank position, but all those things did end up being there.</p>

<p>There were also several varieties of metal vice, hard hat, and extension cord, as well as a trough the size of a child&rsquo;s swimming pool, full of cans of hard cider. Everyone ignored it and drank a maroon cocktail that tasted like campfire mixed with regurgitated orange juice. I listened to a story about the oral sex competition at Burning Man, then another story about how musicians who try to perform at SXSW without a work visa can be arrested and jailed.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-gallery has-nested-images columns-1 wp-block-gallery-4 is-layout-flex wp-block-gallery-is-layout-flex"><img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/10423975/ktiffany_180312_2384_0011.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Kaitlyn Tiffany / The Verge" />
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/10423987/ktiffany_180312_2384_0015.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Kaitlyn Tiffany / The Verge" />
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/10423979/ktiffany_180312_2384_0017.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Kaitlyn Tiffany / The Verge" />
</figure>
<p>Normally, I have a policy about not using any skills that were taught to me by a man &mdash; that&rsquo;s why I don&rsquo;t torrent, use Night Shift on my iPhone, or archive emails &mdash; but it was obvious I wasn&rsquo;t going to get through the night without chopsticks. I let Nick show me how to hold them, then I did it slightly wrong just to be a little bit true to myself. We talked to a German guitarist, an Argentinian <em>Verge</em> fan, and two cryptocurrency enthusiasts who asked us whether we had seen <a href="https://schedule.sxsw.com/2018/films/122679?_ga=2.158661298.985995627.1521032352-1140671421.1515005262"><em>Support the Girls</em></a>, a documentary about the struggles of a roadside sports bar manager who serves as a mother figure to her staff of young women. I was very embarrassed that I had not.</p>

<p>Two hours into the party, a woman pulled Nick aside by the shoulder and said: &ldquo;You&rsquo;re Nick!&rdquo; He said yes, and then she pulled another man over, with the same haircut and a different sweater. &ldquo;I thought <em>he </em>was Nick,&rdquo; she laughed, and the man said, &ldquo;We&rsquo;ve been looking for you, Nick.&rdquo; The woman laughed so hard, it reminded me to ask Nick whether this seemed like the type of party where people would be doing coke while we weren&rsquo;t looking. Then we shut up because the host of the party was talking into a microphone. He was wearing a neckerchief and no shoes. He said, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m very fortunate to have found out about artificial intelligence.&rdquo;</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>“I’m very fortunate to have found out about artificial intelligence.”</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>I was delighted but hurt &mdash; everything that happened felt like a setup. Everyone in the room knew that I was writing down their sentence fragments in my Notes app and waiting to make fun of them. That they went ahead and let me do it felt like either a grand gesture or the ultimate dismissal. Did it really not bother one single person here that I was leaning in to smell their hair? At 10PM, I noticed that the boy in the trench coat from the Vox Media party &mdash;&nbsp;the one that Ashley thought must be famous &mdash; was pirouetting past me, holding hands with a woman in a trench coat. He pulled a hard hat off the wall and tried it on, wiggled his arms like he was in a One Direction music video. I blinked and blinked and blinked at him.</p>

<p>He&rsquo;s famous. His name is Brad Oberhofer, and he is the founder and frontman of the Brooklyn band Oberhofer. He curated the soundtrack for the Craig Robinson and Anna Kendrick comedy <em>Table 19 </em>last year, and before that he mostly made indie surf pop songs with Steve Lillywhite, the producer of the final Talking Heads album.</p>

<p>When I told Ashley she had been right about him, it felt like a joke played specifically on me.</p>
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/10423971/ktiffany_180312_2384_0013.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Kaitlyn Tiffany / The Verge" /><h2 class="wp-block-heading" id="k3lMm2">Party #5</h2><h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="XC70tL">Pandora country music showcase at The Gatsby</h3>
<p>The Gatsby is a bar and an enormous parking lot on Sixth Street in Downtown Austin, which is effectively the love child of Times Square and a frat house. Pandora enlisted Ashley Furniture to set up couches and bean bag toss games all over it, and from the porch above, it looked very accidental. It also looked accidental that the 18-wheelers buzzing along the overpass 50 feet away did so without incident. It was night, but there was a Naked Juice tent and a High Brew canned iced coffee station.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-gallery has-nested-images columns-1 wp-block-gallery-5 is-layout-flex wp-block-gallery-is-layout-flex"><img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/10423989/ktiffany_180313_2384_0023.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Kaitlyn Tiffany / The Verge" />
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/10424005/ktiffany_180313_2384_0024.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Kaitlyn Tiffany / The Verge" />
</figure>
<p>Pandora&rsquo;s party was three days long, and the first day was dedicated to a country music showcase &mdash; perhaps because country music is Pandora&rsquo;s <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/4/27/15451070/pandora-country-music-streaming">sole remaining option</a> for survival. Not that I was there to ponder a streaming service&rsquo;s business model. I was there because Caitlyn Smith, a Minnesota singer-songwriter who I love, was the second act. For selfish reasons, I hoped she would play a sad song called &ldquo;This Town is Killing Me,&rdquo; which begins with the line &ldquo;No one&rsquo;s listening / they&rsquo;re too busy drinking on the company tab.&rdquo;</p>

<p>It was 9PM and I was barely standing. I wasn&rsquo;t drinking, I was delirious. I was wearing the same jeans as I had the previous three days, a shirt that smelled like it was owned by a girl who had shattered her travel-size deodorant on the bathroom floor the night before and forgotten to deal with it. I touched the side of my shin to show Nick where, earlier that day, I&rsquo;d cut into it so deeply with a two-dollar Bic razor that I&rsquo;d gagged and then used a handful of <em>Verge</em> logo stickers to tape a wad of tissues across it, to keep from leaving a trail of blood down the hotel hallway.</p>
<img src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/10424001/ktiffany_180313_2384_0026.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" alt="" title="" data-has-syndication-rights="1" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Photo by Kaitlyn Tiffany / The Verge" />
<p>Smith said &ldquo;I love Carole King,&rdquo; and then sang a cover of &ldquo;A Natural Woman&rdquo; and crawled around the stage on her knees. At the end, a man next to me said, &ldquo;Who&rsquo;s Carole King?&rdquo; He was joking! I was relieved and chewed on an ice cube while a man in a mesh snapback blew cigarette smoke into the back of my neck. The air was perfect, like standing in a cloud of your crush&rsquo;s breath.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p>The air was perfect, like standing in a cloud of your crush’s breath</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>She sang a song called &ldquo;Scenes From a Corner Booth at Closing Time on a Tuesday&rdquo; and she explained, &ldquo;I went to New York, to the Lower East Side once. There was a bunch of weirdos there.&rdquo; She laughed. I laughed. All of the characters she described in the song sounded fake: a &ldquo;Marlboro man&rdquo; hitting on an underage girl with blonde hair, a guy who takes his tie off and drinks something out of a rocks glass. &ldquo;No, no, the Lower East Side is where Timoth&eacute;e Chalamet <a href="https://vman.com/article/timothee-chalamet-frank-ocean/">hangs out</a>,&rdquo; I wanted to tell her. &ldquo;They totally check IDs.&rdquo; I sent the boy in Brooklyn a series of emoji: glitter, New York skyline, pink heart with glitter. I missed my apartment so much I thought my ribs were going to slide onto the pavement. All week, I had resisted the urge to say anything that smacked of affection, anything along the lines of &ldquo;Not everyone smells like your laundry detergent, but some people do.&rdquo; Or &ldquo;I&rsquo;ve been getting so tired and crying in the strangest places, thinking about how much snow fell through your bedroom ceiling last week, and also how mean I was about it.&rdquo; Emoji seemed fine.</p>

<p class="has-end-mark">What I&rsquo;m saying is, I should not go on business trips that offer me a change in season I haven&rsquo;t earned. And you should only go to South by Southwest if you&rsquo;re prepared to meet whoever you are when you don&rsquo;t sleep for an entire week. But it&rsquo;ll probably be okay either way, and you totally have the option to leave the ugly parts off of Instagram.</p>
						]]>
									</content>
			
					</entry>
			<entry>
			
			<author>
				<name>Kaitlyn Tiffany</name>
			</author>
			
			<title type="html"><![CDATA[Upgrade is set up as a colorful near-future thriller, but it’s actually pure body horror]]></title>
			<link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="https://www.theverge.com/2018/3/13/17106370/upgrade-film-review-blumhouse-science-fiction-leigh-whannell-sxsw-2018" />
			<id>https://www.theverge.com/2018/3/13/17106370/upgrade-film-review-blumhouse-science-fiction-leigh-whannell-sxsw-2018</id>
			<updated>2018-03-13T18:04:50-04:00</updated>
			<published>2018-03-13T18:04:50-04:00</published>
			<category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Culture" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Entertainment" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Film" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="Movie Review" /><category scheme="https://www.theverge.com" term="SXSW" />
							<summary type="html"><![CDATA[Welcome to Cheat Sheet, our brief breakdown-style reviews of festival films, VR previews, and other special event releases. This review comes from the 2018 SXSW Interactive Festival. Upgrade will be released theatrically on June 1st. Leigh Whannell&#8217;s Blumhouse collaboration Upgrade premiered at SXSW in the wee hours of Sunday morning. Whannell is the Australian director [&#8230;]]]></summary>
			
							<content type="html">
											<![CDATA[

						
<figure>

<img alt="" data-caption="" data-portal-copyright="Image: Blumhouse" data-has-syndication-rights="1" src="https://platform.theverge.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/chorus/uploads/chorus_asset/file/10401939/upgrade_124969_1.jpg?quality=90&#038;strip=all&#038;crop=0,0,100,100" />
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<p><em>Welcome to Cheat Sheet, our brief breakdown-style reviews of festival films, VR previews, and other special event releases. This review comes from the 2018 SXSW Interactive Festival. </em>Upgrade <em>will be released theatrically on June 1st. </em></p>

<p>Leigh Whannell&rsquo;s Blumhouse collaboration <a href="https://schedule.sxsw.com/2018/films/124969"><em>Upgrade</em></a><em> </em>premiered at SXSW in the wee hours of Sunday morning. Whannell is the Australian director best known for writing the first three installments of the <em>Saw</em> franchise and all four <em>Insidious </em>movies, so his expertise has long been megaplex horror and critical disdain. This movie &mdash; smaller and financed by the most <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/11/magazine/the-scarily-profitable-hits-of-jason-blum.html">acclaimed horror producer</a> of the last decade &mdash;&nbsp;is something new for him.</p>

<p><em>Upgrade </em>was introduced by Blumhouse boss Jason Blum, who used his time onstage to inject a SXSW volunteer with some kind of <a href="http://news.mit.edu/2017/stretching-boundaries-neural-implants-0331">neural implant</a> (it was a long, confusing bit, and there was blood) and to announce, to a standing ovation, that <em>Get Out&rsquo;</em>s Betty Gabriel was robbed at the Academy Awards. It was 1AM; she stood up and twirled. It was a bright spot before a long march into the gloom, but I suppose that&rsquo;s what you hope for at a horror screening in the middle of the night.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="w7agak">What’s the genre?</h3>
<p><em>Upgrade</em> starts out as your basic near-future cyborg thriller, but there&rsquo;s a reason it was screening at midnight at SXSW: the filmmakers are totally delighted by graphic violence, and they repeatedly indulge in full-on body horror. No spoilers, but there are four exclamation points after the line in my notebook that says &ldquo;I&rsquo;ve never seen a jaw do that before.&rdquo;</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="cC2Any">What’s it about?</h3>
<p><em>Upgrade </em>follows your standard avenge-the-murder-of-my-kind-wife plot. It stars Logan Marshall-Green &mdash; the brooding, put-upon protagonist from Karyn Kusama&rsquo;s <em>The Invitation </em>&mdash; as Grey Trace, a mechanic who&rsquo;s extremely skeptical of the career his wife Asha (Melanie Vallejo) has chosen as a high-powered&hellip;&nbsp;something at a prominent AI firm. One night, after the couple visits the enigmatic wunderkind CEO (high-necked white jacket, general Bieber aesthetic) of her firm&rsquo;s top competitor, her self-driving car is hacked, and the two of them fly off the side of the highway. A man with a <em>gun for a hand</em> kills her, and Grey wakes up in the hospital as a quadriplegic. Oddly, the Bieberish tech-boy he met once for five minutes wants to offer him an opportunity: become the first human test subject for a new AI called Stem (yup, &ldquo;STEM&rdquo;) and let the computer control his body and help him walk again. His thoughts will still be his own, our guy swears up and down. Anyway, it&rsquo;s not really a choice:&nbsp;how will Grey avenge his wife if he can&rsquo;t run around and punch people?</p>
<figure class="wp-block-pullquote alignleft"><blockquote><p><em>‘Upgrade’ </em>follows your standard avenge-the-murder-of-my-kind-wife plot</p></blockquote></figure>
<p>Cool. Gabriel plays the lead detective on Asha&rsquo;s case, her <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2018/3/11/17105090/unfriended-dark-web-review-blumhouse-stephen-susco-sxsw-2018">second role in a Blumhouse premiere</a> at SXSW this year. She&rsquo;s a little suspicious of Grey&rsquo;s tendency to show up on security cameras in and around the locations where the murder suspects keep turning up dead! She wears a great motorcycle jacket.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="FYSNAZ">What’s it really about?</h3>
<p>This is not a meaningful question. <em>Upgrade</em> has cookie-cutter characters and a plot twist you can spot from miles away. The technophobe is the hero, and so, of course, the technophobe ends up being right.</p>

<p><em>Upgrade</em> briefly dives into the question of whether it&rsquo;s worth it to have a functioning body and mind if you&rsquo;re using them exclusively as a means to an end. But the writing around it is so doofy &mdash;&nbsp;resisting the implant at first, Grey remarks, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m not looking to restart my life; I&rsquo;m looking to find the off-switch&rdquo; &mdash; it feels like an afterthought. The action sequences are electric; they&rsquo;re grimy, choppy, and strange. But when the characters talk, the film stretches and slows to a banal cautionary tale, almost as if Whannell was making the movie as a homework assignment, having a ton of fun with the aesthetics and the fight scenes, then suddenly remembering he was supposed to incorporate some &ldquo;themes.&rdquo; The theme is, I suppose, &ldquo;don&rsquo;t trust artificial intelligence.&rdquo; Um, whatever! You can still enjoy it if all you want is a good, wild time with cyborgs and car chases.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="TrQd3l">Is it good?</h3>
<p>It&rsquo;s <em>remarkable</em> what Whannell pulled off with what he claims was the standard Blumhouse budget. (They rarely make movies that cost more than $5 million.) His vision of the near-future isn&rsquo;t so innovative &mdash;&nbsp;I&rsquo;m not sure why the dive bars of 2040 would have such an old-timey pirate aesthetic, and I&rsquo;ve seen more thorough consideration of smart homes <a href="https://www.theverge.com/2017/3/5/14470436/pixel-perfect-smart-house-disney-movies-tech-the-future">on the Disney Channel</a> &mdash; but he put a lot of care into choreographing Grey&rsquo;s reaction to his obsequious-sinister brain implant. Whannell says he was inspired by <em>The Terminator</em>, and the influence is clear when Grey moves. His body language is sharp, pulling off elaborate and creative acts of violence with machine-like precision. All the while, his face is doing emotional gymnastics, sometimes thrilled by the revenge he&rsquo;s enacting, sometimes horrified by the brutality of what his limbs are doing. He cries, pleads, barfs, says &ldquo;thank you.&rdquo; He can&rsquo;t make up his mind, but it doesn&rsquo;t matter &mdash;&nbsp;events proceed without him.</p>

<p>Marshall-Green really is phenomenal, so it&rsquo;s unfortunate that the script gives him next to nothing to work with. During the film&rsquo;s clunky exposition, he looks at a tiny robot and remarks, &ldquo;Can it make babies and play football?&rdquo; Later, he watches some people playing with VR headsets. &ldquo;How long do they VR for?&rdquo; It&rsquo;s all a little cloying. The chip in his brain watches him drink a glass of whiskey and remark, &ldquo;It does not make sense that humans deliberately impair their function.&rdquo; The audience I was with chuckled charitably, but these are notes we&rsquo;ve seen hit many times before.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="D0oMw8">What should it be rated?</h3>
<p>R. <em>Upgrade</em> is essentially an extended <em>Black Mirror</em> episode &mdash;&nbsp;mostly shock, not a ton of substance, a cautionary tale that isn&rsquo;t as imaginative as it thinks it is. But there is a lot of gore, and our hero calls someone &ldquo;cock-snot&rdquo; at one point.</p>
<h3 class="wp-block-heading" id="UbmnBc">How can I actually watch it?</h3>
<p><em>Upgrade</em> will be released through Blumhouse&rsquo;s &ldquo;multi-platform&rdquo; distribution arm <a href="http://deadline.com/2014/09/blumhouse-launches-multi-platform-arm-bh-tilt-831985/">Blumhouse Tilt </a>on June 1st. This likely means a short, limited theatrical window before the film is also available to stream.</p>
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