The CIA claims it doesn’t know where Tupac is

The CIA is really good at Twitter. And on its one-month anniversary with the service, “the Nation’s first line of defense” spent a few minutes answering the most popular questions it’s received during its short and glorious run. Most of the answers are pretty mundane: yes, the CIA is hiring, and it won’t be following Ellen Degeneres any time soon. But there’s one tweet that finally answers the important question, the one we’ve all been asking since 1996.

This newly talkative side of the CIA is great, but all this “revelation” does is raise more questions. Did the CIA once have, and then lose, Tupac? Is Tupac a Shawshank Redemption-style escape artist who found his way out of CIA custody and remains on the lam somewhere? Is he currently collaborating with Dr. Dre on Detox? Does Tupac use Tupac holograms as a means of diversion while he escapes? Is the Tupac hologram really just Tupac, hiding in plain sight?

Here, in case you were wondering (and apparently you were), are the rest of the responses to Twitter’s burning questions for the CIA. The Twitterversary was a good, enlightening experience, but maybe next time we’ll get real answers.