Congratulations! It’s sharks!

— “Uh oh.”

— “What?”

— “Neil, this shark is really pregnant.”

So goes the opening exchange of my one-hour radio play, Congratulations! It’s sharks!, a wry and witty examination of modern life that dares to ask the question: can a modern shark really have it all? During the 60 magical minutes of It’s sharks! you’ll meet Emily: a pregnant, four-meter-long tiger shark who’s doing her best to balance a career, a boyfriend, and a womb full of 20 tiger shark pups. You’ll laugh! You’ll cry! You’ll wonder why Emily doesn’t simply chew everyone’s faces off!

Well, that’s the rough outline anyway. I’ll be honest, at this point in time It’s sharks! is really just a good idea I had after seeing the video above: the first ever ultrasound of a pregnant tiger shark. But if you feel inspired to finish (or start) my magnum opus, go ahead! I only ask for 70 percent of any and all royalties from the finished work, and the opportunity to never again consider the prospect of sticking my hand in a womb full of tiny sharks with tiny, but fully-formed, teeth.