Heated lube pods are going to get you through winter

Every time I think we’ve reached the peak of human ingenuity, new technology crops up to remind me that there is still much more to be invented. Today Gizmodo brought a new gadget to my attention that once again proves how rapidly society is advancing. The Pulse is a heater for lube. It sounds useful. But here’s the thing: Pulse relies on proprietary lube pods. Yes, LUBE PODS.

The company currently only sells one kind of lube that’s silicone-based. Another water-based lube is reportedly launching soon, as is a massage oil pod. Now, let’s break down the costs associated with Pulse. The machine costs $249, and as I mentioned before, it is a dispenser and heater for lube. It also glows in an effort to create mood lighting and to indicate when the lube is warm and ready.

I recognize the appeal of this gadget — lube is messy and an unfortunate reality of the sex process, but with that in mind, I would fully scream if someone I was dating had this on their bedside table. It’s so bachelor pad. That’s just me!

In addition to the cost of Pulse, a six-pack of lube pods costs $25. Each pod has nine lube servings, and the pods can be taken on the go and used without the Pulse. I guess the cost of this really depends on how often you’re using a pod. For reference, a tube of lube is about $8 — and again, costs depends on how much lube you need. (A little goes a long way!) And remember: heated lotion and oil machines already exist, although they don’t rely on pods.

This is typically where I’d put a list of all the pod tech we’ve seen this year, but I think 2016 has been enough of a time, so I’ll spare you a recounting of these gadgets. Except for cookie pods. Never forget about cookie pods.