How to stay cool this summer: be the CPU beneath this heatsink

It’s that time of year again where I consider giving up all video game activities on my laptop due to it being too damn hot to touch. I bought one of those laptop cooling pads one year with some built-in fans, but that didn’t really work. The only real way to keep a CPU cool is something like this Scythe Kabuto 3 heatsink. Or moving to Antarctica. Everything else is playing pretend.

The Kabuto 3’s fan can move up to 113 cubic meters of air per hour across its myriad fins and heatpipes. And it’s not even that loud, either, which stands in stark contrast to the $15 box fan I have in my room that sounds like it’s dying from exertion (and also makes a burning rubber smell, which is disconcerting). It’s like $40 for a Kabuto 3. But how much for a person-sized one?