Someone out-Trumped the Trump phone

Where’s the Trump phone? We’re going to keep talking about it every week. We’ve reached out, as usual, to ask about the Trump phone’s whereabouts. This week, Trump Mobile has been trumped.

It’s been another long week without the Trump phone, but it’s no longer the only nonexistent phone I have to worry about. Robot vacuum manufacturer Dreame has announced its own set of phones that are unlikely to ever launch, and one of them takes the Trump phone playbook and amps it up to 11.

I was alerted to the existence of Dreame’s two new phones shortly after I filed last week’s report on the T1 Phone’s PTCRB certification, though they “launched” last Thursday at a flashy event in San Francisco. They’d actually already been announced in China in March, but no one seemed to notice, not least because there was no sign of any release date, pricing, or actual specs. That makes them look an awful lot like vaporware, though in fairness that’s still preferable to a phonemaker operated by the president’s sons and accused of “false advertising and deceptive practices” by lawmakers.

Another point in Dreame’s defense is that it at least had physical phones on display at its launch event, which is more than I could say for Trump Mobile so far. Its phones are ambitious too, even if that’s part of why I’m confident they’ll never truly launch. One is a modular device with detachable action cam and AI accessories, but the other is arguably stranger: the Aurora Lux is supposedly going to be available in an absurd 29 different designs, most of them coated in gems, gold, or both.

They come with names as extraordinary as their designs. Axiom Shield looks like a Pixel 10 wrapped in snakeskin. Luxe Loop Sanctuary wraps a ring of glittery gems around the giant circular camera island. Imperial Totem appears to include a glittering peacock. And, yes, many of them are gold: Trump Mobile must be kicking itself that it didn’t come up with Golden Age, a design that coats the phone in diamond-patterned gold and turns the gem-ringed camera island into a golden analog clock. It’s the Trump aesthetic all over.

It’s not just the phones that have out-Trumped Trump Mobile. Dreame’s showy San Francisco launch, filled with models, rocket cars, and Steve Wozniak, stands in pretty stark contrast to Trump Mobile’s. That day, almost a year ago now, saw three middle-aged executives crammed onto a tiny stage together with Don Jr. and Eric Trump in a badly lit room in New York’s Trump Tower. Why is a robot vacuum company able to project more glitz and glamor than the Trumps?

Dreame’s phones, and its launch event, have the sort of ambition the boringly midrange T1 Phone is lacking. If you’re going to market the idea of a phone, at least make it an exciting one.

I don’t think I’ll be writing weekly about the ongoing nonexistence of Dreame’s devices, because they don’t have that extra frisson of political proximity that makes Trump Mobile so compelling to gawk at. And, so far at least, Dreame isn’t trying to take $100 deposits for phones it may never launch, which is a point in its favor. Besides — if Dreame can beat the odds and put one of its modular, gem-encrusted, fantasy phones in my hands before Trump Mobile does, it’ll make my year.

Got inside information on Trump Mobile or the Trump phone? Reach out securely from a personal device to tips@theverge.com, or see our How to Tip Us page.