Dear Chipotle, please ditch your garbage delivery service and get on Seamless

Some hot news broke yesterday that Chipotle would be offering delivery (yay!) in partnership with a company called Postmates (huh?). Don’t celebrate yet.

Postmates loves delivering things so much that it will send you almost anything: from binder clips, to bubble tea, to burritos. Here’s how Postmates describes itself:

Postmates is transforming the way local goods move around a city by enabling anyone to get any product delivered in under one hour.

Of course it’s just one of many local delivery services that are “transforming” things by eliminating the need for human beings to ever leave their domiciles — Amazon, Google, Ebay, and even Uber have been toying around with getting stuff to people’s houses the same day they order it. But why would I want to order burritos from a company that also delivers furniture?

If you’re like me, you spend way too much money every month on Seamless, or something like Seamless — a website that partners with local restaurants to deliver their food by way of magic. Here’s what’s great about that: there’s usually no delivery fee, and if there is one, it’s usually never more than a buck or two. Here’s what Postmates wants to charge to send me a burrito from Chipotle:

I love Chipotle, but I don’t love Chipotle that much. Even $4.99, which seems to be the lower-end of Postmates’ delivery fee, is bonkers! (Postmates’ CEO says the delivery fee is supposed to be capped at $7.99, which would save me a whopping $0.26.) And after all of these fees, am I supposed to tip the Postmates delivery person? That’d be an extra five bucks, making it anywhere from $11 to $14 to deliver an $8 burrito.

It’s just not happening, and that’s a shame, because I want to give Chipotle dollars and receive burritos like magic at my apartment. Please Chipotle, get on my level.

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